I'm excited so I'm going to start now.
And just a reminder that I will be using a lot of language that I personally wouldn't really want to use away from Comedy.
I honestly don't intend to offend anyone.
Playing With Fire: Blondephilia
In Birmingham, Alabama, there was a chubby man in his early 30's wearing a Fedora Hat, white vest, and shorts in his Mom's Basement.
He was eating Cool Original Doritos and Drinking Mountain Dew whilst watching two Blonde women on PornHub.
Chubby Man: "Forget Lord Of The Rings, this is absolute Cinema."
The Chubby Man starts getting giddy with excitement the more this Film continues it's narrative.
Chubby Man: "We're getting close to the climax looking at how much time is left."
Just as the Chubby Man was getting close to finishing the Movie, his Phone starts ringing.
Chubby Man: "What is it Phillip?"
Phillip is the Chubby Man's only friend. Phillip is also in his early 30's, has long greasy brown hair, and he likes to do Pheromone Maxxing.
Phillip: "You need to go on X, Caleb."
Caleb: "Why?"
Phillip: "Because the greatest news ever is happening, away from finally entering a relationship with my Sister that is."
Caleb: "Please don't remind me of that, it makes me feel insecure that I can't get no pussy."
Phillip: "Well this might be the next best thing for pathetic losers like yourself, go and search up Sydney Sweeney."
Caleb: "I already have watched her on Deepfake Porn sites, she's heavenly but I'm never going to get with a ***** like her."
Phillip: "Well my little charmer you just need to search for her video on X, and you'll see why we both need to get an order each of Dr. Squatch Soap."
Caleb searches up Sydney Sweeney on X and finds the video.
He discovers the fact that Sydney Sweeney is collaborating with Dr. Squatch Soap Bar which contains her used Bathwater.
Caleb: "Well this is my Birthday and Christmas rolled into one, and I thought that 50 Shades Of Blondes was going to get me off."
Phillip: "What do you think?"
Caleb: "Let's go and order some Sydney Sweeney Bathwater, I want her filth inside of me forever."
Caleb starts licking his lips.
5 months later.
Caleb's Mom is in her early 60's, and she has dyed her hair blonde and she is currently wearing Leather clothing.
Caleb's Mom is coming down the Basement to see what Caleb is doing.
Caleb's Mom: "Caleb what's wrong?"
Caleb is on his Computer.
Caleb: "Why do they keep reporting about these black women going missing? I only care when it's blonde women."
Caleb's Mom: "Why does your skin look so dirty?"
Caleb: "I don't know what you mean you stupid slut."
Caleb's Mom: "Don't talk to me like that Caleb... You know that turns me on and we both know that shouldn't happen."
Caleb: "As hot as you are Mom you're no Sydney Sweeney or Margot Robbie, or Sabrina Carpenter."
Caleb's Mom: "Stop with the dirty talk."
Caleb's Mom starts feeling all hot and bothered.
Caleb's Mom: "And besides Sydney Sweeney's face looks like it's been hit by a truck."
Caleb: "Come on Mom, there's no need to lie."
Caleb's Mom runs upstairs crying.
Caleb starts rubbing the Soap on his penis.
Caleb: "Oh yes, round 27 is starting really strong."
Meanwhile at Burger King, Phillip and his Girlfriend/Sister are trying to order twelve Double Whoppers with Fries and a Doughnut.
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister has blonde hair, very well portioned chest area, and she's in her late 20's, and wears glasses.
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "Listen Rodrigo, we want twelve Double Whoppers, Fries, and a Doughnut for my hunky boyfriend here, now get to it!"
Mexican Burger King Worker: "But my name is David."
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "Same difference in my eyes."
David: "I don't want to serve you guys, you're horrible."
Phillip: "Tough **** Hernandez."
David: "Why are you being so mean?"
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "Don't be such a girl, we want our food prepared by a big, strong man. Which you could be if you stopped whining like a bitch, Javier."
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister starts doing flirty gestures which turns David on, even though he knows that it's wrong because she's horrible.
David: "I'm on it."
Phillip: "I wonder what's up with Caleb? He has gone quiet recently."
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "He is probably masturbating to some Taylor Swift Deepfake Porn."
Phillip: "He better not be, she's a Democrat voter."
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "He loves all blonde women though, do you remember when he tried to make out with the dying Dinner-"
Phillip: "Whoa! I don't need to be reminded of that, he scarred me for a whole year after doing that."
Phillip's Girlfriend/Sister: "And he thought that I, Molly Fitzgerald would go out with him even though I'm a gorgeous woman, what planet was he on when he thought that was a good idea?"
Phillip: "To be honest I still can't believe that you chose me."
Molly: "Well as our parents like to say, it's best to keep it in the family."
They both start laughing.
A few hours later.
After eating some of the Dr. Squatch Soap to keep Sydney's dirt inside of himself forever, Caleb started mutating into a Supermodel.
To be precise he started looking like one of those guys from BTS.
Caleb: "Oh my god, I'm a hot Korean guy."
To be continued at a later chapter.
Hopefully you guys enjoyed it, despite the fact that I had the characters say some pretty outlandish stuff.