If only he wasn't such a ladyboy and didn't have that annoying voice! And didn't look like he was having a moan one day when the wind changed direction. And didn't walk along like he'd $hit himself. And wasn't so bloody miserable!

Look, girls, I know I'm male, but I just can't see it! But assuming that you all fancy him, does that mean you forgive him for being anal, having no sense of humour whatsoever, being a control freak, and spending weeks pi$$ing people off?

No wonder I never stood a chance when I was a young git...