[susieq]

This year just wasn't the Big Brother we know.

The format was designed by a schizophrenic German scientist who has lived in a bunker in Paraguay since 1944 and who thinks the war is still going on.

The tasks were designed from scribblings on the back of envelopes in the bin at the local nursery - drawn by hyperactive two year olds who have had too many additives in their orange juice.

The housemates were chosen by a focus group sticking pins in a map of the UK and going through the electoral rolls for each of the cities. It was the most scientific method they could come up with, after sitting in a darkened room for three months and being fed on rice cakes and lentils.

Deidre from Accounts had the final say based on her extensive knowledge of psychometric testing, computer dating and her uncanny ability to spot the latent homicidal tendencies in anyone.

The house was designed by a Swedish chef who entered a competition to design an oven and won first prize. The BB design just extended his original drawing by adding chairs.

Other than those minor quibles - I thought this year's was the best ever. AS IF!!!!!