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Hello. My name is Shaun Collins. I am writing to you with aim to securing your vote in the upcoming Elimination Election.
I am representing the
Sexy Party. I have set out a few goals I hope to achieve should I be successful in my campaign:
- Free sex for everyone.
- A sexy party every Friday, hosted by Stewie from Family Guy.
- Abolish all taxes.
- Declare war on Yemen. Bastards have been slipping under the radar for years.
These are just a few. I have great respect for my opponents in the Election, but I have insider information that:
- Zee has been involved in child pornography across Asia, particularly active in Vietnam.
- LemonJam is in fact a fraud; he is free from all lemon jam and is actually 100% raspberry.
- Nickyy has decided that, should she win, she shall cut off all supplies of the letter "y" to everyone in the country, just to be used in her username. Try saying "red lorry yellow lorry" then.
- JDIZZEL has been rumoured to be involved in drug rings in South America. She is single-handedly responsible for the supply of 15% of the USA's cocaine.
- .Andy. once had an affair with his secretary, before leaving his wife and two children for her. The wife and two children have since gone missing under mysterious circumstances.
I hope I can count on your vote. Remember:
Picto - You get the picture.