[Shaun]

Dear Darenn,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose at the mental hospital and I saw you pull the clothes off my boyfriend.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that there is no solution to you being dumb.
I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and your cucumber fetish is weird.

Go milk a cow,
Shaun xoxo