[Jen]

: In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear ****er' would not end in a pleasant experience.

: so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
: i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
: he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it.

:he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper.

: I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth.

: anal on a first date. tsk tsk.

: Car ****ing is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

: i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
: i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

: you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
: probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine


I love this. LMAO