[Jayson]

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Ethel who lived in a shed outside HomeBase, she would get high whilst listening to the Sugababes. Her fave Sugababe was the newest one, who goes by the name of Amelle. She lived in Romania, and works in asda, but it was no ordinary asda. Ethel was sure that the food they sold was turning people into Cats and dogs.

Ethel's best friend was called Sasha Shoo, she was 9ft 8in, and liked to rig the voting in West African general elections for diamonds. She fashioned knickers out of them and sold them on to wealthy arabs that like to listen to the song "All by myself" whilst in a darkened room.