'OK, listen everyone, we've got a mini-task here and it's a blinder!' said Paul. 'Here's the deal...'
'Is it the best and possibly the most exciting task ever, by any chance Paul?' asked Brian
Paul, laughing, replied
'It is mate, it is, you got it! Seriously, what we've got to do, right, is, we've got to hold a Big Brother cluedo! This is so cool!
Each of us has got to go into the diary room and find out what to do!'
Paul looks up at the rest of the group expectantly, and is surprised to find that not all of them look quite as excited as he feels about it.
'C'mon you guys, it will be Sherlock Holmes-tastic! ' he said, trying to instill a little enthusiasm into the group.
'Can I be the victim please Paul? I just cannot be bothered with it at all' said Brian, sulkily.
'Only if I get to play the murderer!' said Josh.
'I suppose I could be Moriarty, the master criminal...' said Dean, finding himself interested, despite his better judgement.
'What's in it for us?' asked Narinder 'I mean, if we've got to act like morons, at least the reward should be worth having!'
'Listen, all our roles are gonna be decided by chance. We've got to put all the character names in a hat, and pick one to find out who we are. The victim is already decided Brian. It's our original 11th housemate, the stuffed doll', said Paul.
'Paddy can be the Hound of the Baskervilles, can't he Paul!' said Helen, laughing. 'Bless his little cotton socks, love him!'
'No H, there no hound in this story I don't think!. Anyway, the reward for solving the mystery by tomorrow morning is amazing! We gotta do it!' said Paul, positively bouncing with excitement.
'What is it? For God's sake Paul, just tell us!' said Amma
' Now, don't take this the wrong way, but please don't take the Lord's name in vain Amma'. said Penny
'Paul, if you don't tell us what the reward is, I will have to commit a violent act, which is something to which I am diametrically opposed in principle' said Dean.
'Every act of violence is committed as the result of a fundamental failure in communication' said Elizabeth, nodding her agreement.
'I feel there has to be someone willing to take a leadership role in this instance, and I am not afraid to step forward.' said Stuart. 'I am used to working in a heirarchical structure, and I am used to telling people what to do'
'Well, you can leave my hat out of it Paul!' said Bubble.
'WILL - YOU - ALL - SHUT - UP - AND - LET - ME - TELL - YOU - WHAT- THE - FLAMING - REWARD - IS?' shouted Paul, just as everyone went quiet.
'Paul Clarke, I swear!' said Helen, admiringly. 'You never cease to amaze me!'
'H, please, everyone listen. If we solve it, the Beckhams have promised to donate a week of their wages to the charity of our choice. Now even you have to admit that is absolutely brilliant!' said Paul
'Who are the Beckham's?' asked Elizabeth. 'And I don't see what is so marvellous about that, just a couple of hundred pounds I imagine. Commendable of course, but hardly life changing'.
The group looked at her in quiet disbelief.
'Do you have any idea how much these people earn in a week?' asked Dean
'More than Birmingham City take at the gate in a year Dean!' quipped Bubble.
'Should I know them?' asked Elizabeth, feigning disinterest to cover her slight unease at Dean's apparent disapproval.
'HOUSEMATES ARE REMINDED THAT THEY HAVE 5 MINUTES LEFT IN WHICH TO DECIDE WHO IS FIRST INTO THE DIARY ROOM' Boomed big brother.
After snatching Bubble's hat from his head, names are hurriedly put in, and the group find out who they are to be.
'CAN INSPECTOR BRAVO PLEASE COME TO THE DIARY ROOM?' asked Big Brother.
'Thats me!' said Helen, passing Bowden to Paul, and running giggling to the diary room.
After the diary room door closes, the team look at each other in disbelief.
'Well, we've lost it!' said Dean.
'Perhaps if we all work together to support her'. said Penny.
'We can't actually do that, because one of us is the murderer, and we have to stay in character' said Elizabeth.
'Oh my God, we have no chance what-so-ever!' said Narinder
'That is so unfair. Helen has a great deal of common sense' said Amma
'She's an absolute Star, mate' said Paul.
'Who is?' said Helen, leaving the diary room, and running back over to take Bowden back from Paul.
'You are babe. you're the best!' said Paul.
'Am I Paul? Am I your best girl?' she asked, cuddling up to him.
'Bloody amazing, babe. Love you!' said Paul, leaning over to kiss her.
'Oh, Paul, you are so lush...' murmured Helen
'Excuse me, Helen, but don't you have something to tell us?' asked Elizabeth, somewhat curtly, as the rest of the group
moaned at the now all too familiar sight of the couple canoodling.
'For God's sake, someone, save the baby! They're going to crush him between them!'
shouted Brian, rather dramatically.
'We wouldn't do that to our Bowden, would we Paul? Sorry, I just can't help myself with Mr Clarke you know - he's so lovely!
Oh yes, Big Brother wants the vicar to go in now.
'That'll be me then!' said Brian. I am the Reverend Sermon. Do you think Father O'Rourke back home will ever forgive me?'
'You are past all hope and forgiveness Brian' said Josh. 'Now get in the Diary room!'
The process continued.
Dean was the Butler.
Josh was Joshua Fortescue, the rogueish son of the Household.
Amma was the chambermaid.
Liz was Mrs Elizabeth Prissy the cook.
Narinder was Mrs Fortescue, lady of the house and the widow of the victim.
Penny was Penelope, maiden aunt.
Stuart was the boyfriend of the victim's daughter Miss Fortescue.
Bubble was the chaffeur.
Just as they began to think it was all too neat, rather perversely, Paul found out that he was to play the daughter, who they now named Pauline.
'It's mad innit!' said Paul. 'This could be quite amusing! Can I borrow that dress again Narinder?'
'HOUSEMATES ARE REMINDED THAT THEY HAVE ONLY UNTIL 9AM TOMORROW TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY. THE BODY CAN BE FOUND IN THE JACUZZI, WITH THE AUTOPSY REPORT. CAN INSPECTOR BRAVO PLEASE READ THIS AND START TO QUESTION THE HOUSEMATES'
'Oh, OK, sorry Big Brother' said Helen.
A few minutes later, Helen returned. She looked at her fellow housemates, who for some reason all felt extremely guilty. only one of them, however, knew the truth.
'Helen will never guess!', the 'murderer' thought smugly, forgetting for the moment that the whole thing was fabricated, and that all they had to gain by not being discovered was the group losing the task.
They had to co-operate though, because if they were caught even dropping hints, Big Brother had threatened to evict them.
'Can Penny, I mean Aunt Penelope, please come to the diary room with me. I wish to ask her some questions!' said Helen.
'Oh I say, it's a fair cop!' said Penny, as they disappeared into the diary room, which now contained two chairs and a table.
The rest of the group found themselves looking at each other suspiciously.
'Now, Miss Penelope Fortescue. I understand you found the body. Tell me everything you can remember' said Inspector Helen Bravo, licking her pencil and holding her notepad ready.
'Well, I was just going out to put the chickens away, when I noticed Bubble, the chauffeur, slipping out of the den' .
'Was this unusual?' asked Inspector Bravo
'Well, I had just seen someone else leave the den before him. It was.....'
