[Sticks]

The first one is a variant from a joke they used to tell in the old USSR.

Russian Police raid the home of a Rabbi, thinking he along with others are plotting counter revolutionary activities.
When he asked what they were doing, the rabbi said they were learning Hebrew.
"Why" asked the soviet official, "There is no way you will ever be allowed to leave for Israel"
"It is so we will be able to talk in Heaven" answered the rabbi
"Ah" said the Official "What if you end up in Hell"
The rabbi looked at him and answered "Russian, we know"

BTW The bible actually says "Big Fish" in the book of Jonah