[Graeme]

SHE ONCE HAD A COW THAT WAS GRAZING
THE SIZE OF THE COW WAS AMAZING
WE REMEMBER THE DAY
OF THE COW EATING HAY
'CAUSE SOON AFTER CHICAGO WAS BLAZING

THE SURGEON HAD FINISHED UP SEWING
THE FEET ON A MAN WITHOUT KNOWING
HE SWITCHED THEM AROUND
NOW HE WALKS INTO TOWN
THEY CAN'T TELL IF HE'S COMING OR GOING

THERE ONCE WAS A GUY WHO BUILT MODELS
SOMETIMES HE PUT THEM IN BOTTLES
SOMETHING IN THE GLUE
MADE HIS BRAIN GO ASKEW
AND NOW HE CAN'T WALK HE JUST WADDLES

I ONCE PLAYED A PRACTICAL JOKE
AND PUT POWDER IN SOME OLD MANS SMOKE
HE GAGGED AND HE WHEEZED
BUT IT WERN'T TILL HE SNEEZED
THAT THE PIPE JUST BLEW UP THE OLD BLOKE

I JUST GOT A GALLON OF BEER
THE TENDER SAID CLOSING TIME'S NEAR
SO I DRANK AND I CHUGGED
I CHUGGED AND I GLUGGED
AND SAID "ISH AIRE A BAFROOM IN" BLAAAAAAAAAH

THERE ONCE WAS A FARMER FROM LEEDS
WHO SWALLOWED A PACKET OF SEEDS
IT SOON CAME TO PASS
HE WAS COVERED WITH GRASS
BUT HAS ALL THE TOMATOES HE NEEDS

THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED BRIGHT
WHOSE SPEED WAS MUCH FASTER THAN LIGHT
SHE SET OUT ONE DAY
IN A RELATIVE WAY
AND RETURNED ON THE PREVIOUS NIGHT

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM NANTUCKET
WHO KEPT ALL HIS CASH IN A BUCKET
BUT HIS DAUGHTER NAMED NAN
RAN AWAY WITH A MAN
AND AS FOR THE BUCKET, NAN TUCKET

A BATHER WHOSE CLOTHING WAS STREWED
BY WINDS THAT LEFT HER QUITE NUDE
SAW A MAN COME ALONG
AND UNLESS WE ARE WRONG
YOU EXPECTED THIS LINE TO BE LEWD

THERE WAS AN OLD LADY FROM CLYDE
WHO ATE FORTY APPLES AND DIED
THE APPLES FERMENTED
INSIDE THE LAMENTED
AND MADE CIDER INSIDE HER INSIDES

A FLEA AND A FLY IN A FLUE
WERE IMPRISONED SO WHAT COULD THEY DO
SAID THE FLY LET US FLEE
LET US FLY SAID THE FLEA
SO THEY FLEW THROUGH A FLAW IN THE FLUE

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM LYME
WHO COULDN'T GET HIS LIMERICKS TO SOUND RIGHT
WHEN THEY ASKED HIM WHY NOT
IT WAS SAID THAT HE THOUGHT
THEY WERE OVERLY LONG, AND FAR TOO COMPLEX, POSSIBLY EVEN DULL