[Shaun]

[After a brief sojourn away from the island (Jen went pearl fishing and Shaun fell in love with a merman who deserted him) the boat sails back around to Sheppy and the group notice whose body they have come to collect.]
Captain Lili: OMFG N-
MarkWaldorf: oh no...
Jen: ah/
Shaun: ROSS NO! ah\
[They land the anchor and rush onto the beach.]
Jen: WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU FOUL ISLANDERS.
Shaun: don't talk to them honey they're unwashed and we're interfering with the 'deserted' element of the game~
Jen: omg lol
Shaun: ch/hehe
[Mark and Linda carry the body aboard and empty Ross' pockets. In them were a variety of flavoured lubricants, a comb, roughly £20 in loose change and a diamond watch. Jen pockets the watch without the others noticing. A sudden loud bang from the hull of the ship brings them out of their parasitical frenzy.]
MarkWaldorf: ;O WHAT WAS THAT
Shaun: IDK ahh/
[they rush to the hull and notice that water is rapidly bursting through the hole onto the decks. A sudden cackle from the ocean alarms them.]
Ninastar: You thought you could kill me? YOU DAFT SLAGS. [she cackles and swims to the other side of the boat, smashing it with her trident.]
Captain Lili: I'm getting too old for this shit.
[Linda throws aside her naval uniform and reveals a sparkly wetsuit to the group. She grabs a harpoon on the ship's side and dives into the water.]
Jen: O:

to be continued...