[calyman]

What might have been............

Mr Darcy - Ben
Elizabeth Bennet - Scabby/Chippy

Scene: In the Boudoir of Scabby

Mr Darcy: Madame would you care for a gentle perambulation around the grounds, perchance to linger in the vicinity of your fragrant smoking area for a tête-à-tête?

Elizabeth: Dear Mr Darcy, you are suddenly so forward in your endeavours regarding me, so why don’t you shut the F”*’ up.

Mr Darcy: Madame, you have the most singular choice of language.

Elizabeth: Mr Darcy, you don’t know me, so I don’t give 10 shades of faeces what you think.

Mr Darcy: Dear Elizabeth, I am enthralled by your earthy and imaginative articulations. Are you by any chance an Actress?

Elizabeth: How very F*”#*n dare you Mr Darcy, you mean less to me than the faeces which emanates from my mouth

Mr Darcy: Dearest Elizabeth, I meant no harm, I only wished to assure you I am captivated by your elusive femininity.

Elizabeth: Why don’t you just let your man servant be schooled in the habits so detested by my Antipodean cousin, the Honourable John James, or are you just a practitioner of onanism?

Mr Darcy, You, you……allude of the love that dare not speak it’s name?

Elizabeth: I do not need to concern myself with your unwanted attentions any longer Mr Darcy, I have girlish matters to attend with my bosom friend Caoimhe. She is more of a man than you will ever be.


Mr Darcy: Dearest Elizabeth, you have wounded me with your bitter words but as I still regard your fragrant femininity with deepest regard, I shall pass off your misandry as a temporary aberation.

Elizabeth: Oh shut the F”@* up you onanist

Mr Darcy: Then I bid you Good Day, Madame!

Elizabeth: Give us a hug....is it 5 o'clock yet?