Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowzebra8
My faves...
On her friends: I said to my friend, he can sell a story if he wants, because he wants to buy a sex swing
On getting old: I don't want to live long, maybe 68
On positive mental attitude (aka the best quote ever): Do you know what, when i'm feeling a bit low I always remember that woman that got her face ripped off by a chimpanzee
On horses: I had these friends at school... when they came round, the horse got a hard-on and chased them round the garden. Chad was his name. He's dead now, bless him.
On her pets: I used to have a billy goat. It wasn't a normal one... he had fire in his eyes
On sex: I didn't realise oral was just with your mouth
On booze: I'm a right randy mare when i've had a few largers
On fashion: I'm not one of those fashion types, because I couldn't give a sh*t. No style, I just wear whats been marked down in the shop
On big nights out: When i'm really out of it, I turn into my alter ego... a cross between a b*tch and Stacey Solomon
On her time in the house: This is the longest detox i've been on since I was 12
On missing Govan: Govan, if you're watching this, then I want my little man back. Try and break through the back door. I'll let you in. Come back to Mummy, quickly.
On pregnancy: Big Bro, I'm up the dufferrrr!
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none of them are funny in the slightest
the chimpanzee quote that she repeats over and over is a gimmick she thought of before she went in
part of her sh***y gameplan