Part 1 - The Great Divide
Twilight Twitty had finally made a call out to end the indefinite hiatus of Mis-TiBB; the girl band that had catapulted her into stardom. She had been releasing solo material for three long years and had eventually gotten bored of constant touring. Touring with a band was fun, no matter how tiring; but doing it alone was depressing and was sapping away at her passion for music. She had been the one to call the break, and so she felt it was her duty to call an end to it. Her former bandmates had channelled their talents into various activities; and so it was going to be difficult to reunite them.
Shuanna Sexy had successfully made the transition from singer to television presenter, and held a steady spot as the co-host of a newly revamped Top Of The Pops. Shuanna and Twilight had had several run-ins over the last three years, but on their last meeting, they ended up arguing bitterly over the future of Mis-TiBB. Twilight had brought up the the band in the past tense and had implied it was all over; and Shuanna had spitefully blogged that Twilight's newest single was destined to be a flop. Fans of Shuanna could later defend her remarks as they came true; whilst Twitty fans continued to stand by their belief that Shuanna was being bitchy. This, naturally, had strained relations between the two parties, but Twilight hoped they could bury the hatchet and resume working together.
She expected a better response from Gypsy Goth; often dubbed as the cool one in the band, owing mostly to her stony faced laconic gaze during any public appearance or performance. After leaving the band, she was no longer required to have a gothic appearance, and had amusingly become a much sunnier person, with a tendency to buy flowers and give them to strangers among other odd activities. This had, obviously, inspired a new nickname: Gypsy Gay. She didn't mind this blatant display of homophobia, and instead put a ring on it. What an absolute hero. She had largely devoted her time to charity work, but was caught up in a sex scandal; with rumours flying around the media that she had been caught dogging with Lil Smithy and Bettie Page. She had responded to these allegations with a Lady Gaga .gif, which confused a lot of people, and to others confirmed that she was in fact a filthy slut. Twilight had stayed in touch with Gypsy over the years, occasionally bumping into her at sex parties and charity gigs.
Patrick 'Tricky' Prisonrape was largely forgotten after the band had gone on hiatus. Tricky was arrested for drink and drug driving mere hours before the break was announced; and so the news of the hiatus trumped the news of his arrest. Patrick was sentenced to three years in jail because she had been driving dangerously slow and was causing harm to grannies stuck behind her in their granny-cars; as they were inhaling a lot of fumes and that's not very good for you at that age, and Ethel McIntosh was diagnosed with lung cancer a month later so it was pretty much Patrick's fault. MURDERER. He, like Shuanna, was conveniently now a she for the purpose of this story. This is because I like gender confusion, it's really funny and to be honest who doesn't love a bit of girl on girl? CCCOOOOOORRRRRRRR WUDYALOOKATDAT! Ahem. Tricky had originally been Twitty's best friend in the band, but had switched allegiances to Shuanna after discovering that Shuanna was also gender swapped, and they liked to reminisce about having testicles 'n' stuff. Look, I know that's vulgar, but it's true. Celebrities are disgusting. Take it up with Piers Morgan or Germaine Greer or something. Prude.
Enid Evangelical was the pure member of the band; who maintained that piercings, tattoos and sex - especially kinky sex - are immoral and should be banned. Of course, known TiBB pervert Harry often tried to convince her to take a ride on his discosti- sorry, his eh.. Isla Bonita stick; but Enid was having none of it. She had originally been close with Gypsy Goth; but due to her revamped image and her hedonistic personal life; they had fallen out and were often a source of tabloid 'quote' pages. Enid once gave a short quote about how she enjoyed dog walking, and the Sun was like yeah she's clearly talking about Claudia, what a bitch haha omg get it? Bitch? Talking about dogs? We implied Claudia's a dog and Enid's a bitch? And it's kind of a lesbian joke? D'you know, I think I should be a Sun writer. At least I'd be funny. And factual. Yeah.
The five far flung members of the group had each travelled down their own paths in life in the three year interval that had passed; but Twilight hoped to reunite them. What she didn't expect, however, was a flat out rejection from Shuanna, Tricky and Enid. They were all opposed to working with either Twilight or Gypsy; with Tricky remarking that Gypsy had given her genital warts and that she wasn't ever going to pull Enid now. Oh yeah, Tricky's kind of a practising lesbian after all that sex in the showers and cells. I'm not really sure if that means Tricky got a lot of men or women, and what that makes Tricky, but for the sake of this story, Tricky loves women and has the hots for Enid; but had a passing fling with Gypsy Goth. Enid loves God. K.
Twilight had gotten angry over their response, and had issued a challenge in the media; that each of the members of the band had to produce a solo album and all five would be released as one packaged collection and the fans could decide who had produced the best album. LOL jk they're not TLC. But yeah, because they're all popstars, they became really bitchy and competitive and somehow decided that the best course of action was to start killing each other off. Twilight's faction; Squadron Pink (Gypsy Gay's idea
) consisted of Twitty, Gay, LemonJamelia, Novoutkast (Bendré "3000stone" Benjamin and Andywan "Big Boi" Patton) and Lili Allen. Shuanna's faction; Community Orange (Shuanna thought it was a qt colour; Enid disapproved of it the least out of all the colour choices) consisted of Shuanna, Enid, Tricky, GramophoneDezzy, Simonsays & MrGaryyfunkel.
The two factions finally agreed to meet at the TiBB "Jessica has another YouTube-" Video Music Awards (held in Chat & Games by Ross in December x) in an all out fight to the death; holding a thin promise not to fight while other celebrities were in the room. Surprisingly, they aren't going to stick to this promise and lots of other pun TiBB celebrities will be caught up in the Crossfire (Brandon Flowers plug LOOOOL), it's going to be gory and I hope you all read this and want more.
MarkWaldorf is a tacky ho.
End of Part 1