Love Don't Kosovo Thing - G-Lo
The lights on stage are dimmed, with random flashes of blue and gold spotlights striking the stage; all of a sudden the silhouette of the performer can be seen on stage. The lights turn up and a large bath tub can be seen on stage, with the performer is sitting on the edge of it. The performer is G-Lo, a sassy Kosovar who is wearing sunglasses and looking frickin’ pissed. G-Lo is wearing an all gold outfit; with a ceremonial staff and a Steinbock golden hairpiece. She is wearing a sash that says Kosovo on it to indicate who she is representing, and has a blue train flowing behind her.
She holds a phone to her ear and gives the audience a one sided view of the phone call:
“Hello? Hey! You’re not gonna let me be independent? Again? Nuh uh yeah I got it, actually I was just rebelling against it, it’s devastating. I just wish that… you could have said yes instead of this war, you know? ‘Cause last thing I need is another war.”
The backing track starts, and she steps up from the bath and starts strutting back and forth the stage, working those hips like you wouldn’t believe. Throughout the performance she dramatically pushes male dancers away from her, as if to declare her independence from them.
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join N-A-T-O
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
When you wound up in the Yugoslav
Saw the look you gave to the Herzegov’
Knew that it was war with Albanians
Riling up your troops so UN saw the difference
Didn’t need you in, World War Two
Kicking up a fuss with Italians too
You’re a drama queen
We want autonomy
Milosevic’s out of control
All that matters is
That you give us rights
Give us EU membership
That money can't buy yeah
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join E-U-R-O
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
When we begged to France
Thought you'd understand
Doing cleansing on our precious lands
Now you’re gonna try, against a NATO force
We’ve been crying ‘bout it ‘til our rebel voice is hoarse
Ethnic cleansing, that was well gay
Independence, never happening
If it doesn't change, gonna hit the vod’
Humanitarians y’know you’ve got to go
All that matters is
That you give us rights
Give us UN membership
That money can't buy yeah
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join O-S-C-E
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
A thing, a thing, a thing
Yeah yeah, yeah
You think the empire that you've built
Can substitute the blame and guilt
Take the troops into our plains
Then you can win our land, and kill the Roma and
We think you need to let it go
And hand to us Pristina oh
There's more dictatorship in you
But we don’t give a
fuck, ‘cause you’ve run out of luck
G-Lo dramatically rejects an item of expensive looking jewellery, a ring, from one of the male dancers, before launching into three final repetitions of the chorus, at which point the choreography steps up a gear and G-Lo dances in sync with the backing dancers, writhing between them like the Ben Affleck humping slut she really is.
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join N-A-T-O
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join E-U-R-O
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think you gotta suppress me
fuck no
Think I'm gonna join O-S-C-E
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
Think I wanna drive the Serbs away
If I wanna cleanse I've got my soap
Even if you were broke
My love don't Kosovo thing
G-Lo is lifted up by the backing dancers and poises herself in a position similar to the Statue of Liberty, holding her ceremonial staff as the torch and the Steinbock hairpiece as the crown.