[Stu]

I almost drowned on my first holiday in Portugal after my dad chucked me in the water when he was pissed. Then I stopped going swimming with the rest of my school because I was the skinny, anaemic kid with the foam board of doom and the armbands in the kids end of the pool. The jock mentality scared the blood out of me and the smell of chlorine still terrifys me.

I'd probably like to swim but I've never learned since and it doesn't bother me as I don't go on sun holidays and don't go to the beach. Ireland's beaches aren't exactly picturesque. It's usually just the least rocky bit of the coast.