[Mumbles]

I can imagine Jay and Louise in a remake of Titanic:

Louise: I want you to make a tin-foil picture of me like you do for those Geordie girls. Wearing only this....

(she smiles at him, crouches down and defecates into her hand and shows it to Jay)

He looks up at her, surprised, like a chimp who's just been shown a card trick..

CUT TO:

Louise's Bedroom as Louise smears **** all over her hair. She shakes her head and pieces of it fall onto her shoulders.

In the sitting Room Jay is frantically tearing up bits of tin-foil. Pritt-stick at the ready, he looks up as she comes into the room, covered head to toe in ****.

Louise: The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like a model. I'm just dead nurmal me, I expect to get what I want because I'm not shady me like....