In Olden Times a Decree was passed, from Caesar Augustus, that all citizens should be taxed. All men and their families must journey to the place of their birth to pay these taxes. Joseph, a humble carpenter from Galilee, had to prepare for a long journey into Judaea, unto the City of David, also known as Bethlehem. His wife, Mary, had some news for him...........
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ACT 1 SCENE 1
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE JOURNEY
NARRATOR: Joseph is not yet home from work. Mary is folding laundry in the kitchen.
MARY: Golly Gumdrops, this housework is never ending. I wish something exciting would happen, for a change.
NARRATOR: There is a sudden flash, and a loud bang!
MARY: Flippin' Heck, I wish my sister Petula and her fella had never moved in next door, I am fed up with hearing them jumping off the wardrobe, no respect whatsoever.
GO
Mary, do not be afraid! It is I, your Lord and God. I have some very important news for you.
HOLY SPIRIT: YOU SAID I COULD TELL HER!!! I never get to do any of the important stuff, I just hover around looking Holy, I think people are scared of me. I need to build up some kind of rapport with these humans.
GOD (Sighs): Go on then, anything for a quiet life, you tell her.
HOLY SPIRIT: Awesome! Well Mary, you have been chosen for a very special honour, you are to bear and give birth to God's son. You will name him Jesus. Make sure you take all your vitamins regularly, we want him to arrive in tiptop condition, he's going to have a hard life. Any questions?
MARY: Goodness, what a lot to take in. I am very honoured indeed God. Whatever shall I tell Joseph though?
GO
I'll write him a note, here.....
HOLY SPIRIT: Would you like a song before we go, we are super at Karaoke, it's our new hobby, I got a machine for my birthday.
MARY: Sure, ok then.
NARRATOR: God and the Holy Spirit proceed to deliver a very energetic version of "Spirit in the Sky".
MARY: Aah, that's was bloody marvellous. Will you have a cup of tea before you go?
GO
No, no. We have to get back. I've got a cake in the oven.
HOLY SPIRIT: And I have some knitting to finish. Bye.
NARRATOR: God and the Holy Spirit disappear in a cloud of smoke. Mary sits down at the table to await Joseph's return.....Joseph enters the kitchen, he looks tired.
JOSEPH: Ay up lass, I hope tea's nearly ready. What are we having?
MARY: Beans on toast. It's almost ready yes, sit down first though Joseph, I have some important news for you.
NARRATOR: Joseph sits down at the kitchen table looking a little anxious. Mary passes him the note from God, and Joseph reads it aloud.
"Dear Joseph. Mary is now with child, my son in fact. You need to look after her and raise the boy as your own. I know you will appreciate the honour that been bestowed on you both. Yours sincerely, God. PS. Holy Spirit here. Don't even think of getting in touch with Jeremy Kyle show, last time they had us on was a disaster, God was very angry with Jeremy. Laters."
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