ACT 2
NARRATOR: The new day dawns. Mary and Joseph rise early to set out upon their journey. Joseph has bought a donkey named Lady Lee from a local merchant, as Mary is now almost ready to give birth (!!) and wouldn't be able to make the journey on foot. The Journey passes uneventfully, however both Mary and Joseph are exhausted upon reaching Bethlehem.
JOSEPH: Mary, my little sugar plum, I think you should rest here with Lady Lee. I will try to find somewhere for us to stay, we shall make the return trip tomorrow.
MARY: You are so thoughtful, sweetcheeks. I will wait under this shady tree with Lady Lee.
NARRATOR: Louise Cliffe pops her head out from behind the tree and shouts "Stop using that word. I'm not shady!!!!"
MARY: Could have sworn I heard something......oh well.
Here Lady Lee, have a drink of water.
LADY LEE: Neigh, neigh, neiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhh! Brrrrrrrrrap.
(translation - I would rather have a double whisky)
NARRATOR: Joseph sets off to pay his taxes and then wanders around the town to the various inns and hostelries, however all are full up and there seems to be nowhere to stay. At one of the Inns, he hears loud singing...."We hear you knocking.....but you can't come in!". Joseph reaches the outskirts of town and approaches the last remaining Inn. He prays to God that he is fortunate enough to find a room for the night.
INNKEEPER: Good evening, young man. If you are looking for a place to stay, I am afraid all of our rooms are full.
JOSEPH: Oh dear. What am I to do? My wife is heavily pregnant, we can't possibly make the return journey tonight.
NARRATOR: Rosie, the Innkeeper's daughter, comes to the door.
ROSIE: Mother, what about the stable, stinks a bit but it is warm and dry. surely they could stay there for just one night?
INNKEEPER: Why of course, that would be fine. What is your name young man?
JOSEPH: I am Joseph Smith, a humble carpenter from Nazareth, and my wife is called Mary. We are travelling with our donkey, Lady Lee, if there would be enough room for the three of us?
INNKEEPER: Yes, we shall make do. Rosie will put some warm blankets and pillows in there for you, and attend to any other needs you may have.
ROSIE: (WINKS AT JOSEPH) I would be happy to oblige you, handsome one.
INNKEEPER: That's quite enough of that Rosie. Now, fetch your family and come inside Joseph, you must take some refreshment. My name is Miss Amelia Lily, you may call me Ammi if you like.
NARRATOR: Joseph and Mary enjoy a fine meal at the Locke Inn (see what I did there
) before retiring to the stable for the night. Outside, a beautiful solitary Star twinkles in the dark, inky sky.
"Twinkle Twinkle Little Niamh
Fame and Fortune you'll achieve
in the dark of night you'll shine
then get drunk on Rose' wine"
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in the stable..........
MARY: I'm having the baby now Joseph.
JOSEPH: Super, smashing, great. Good luck.
NARRATOR: Mary gives birth to a beautiful baby boy and wraps him tenderly in a fleecy blanket.
JOSEPH: He's gorgeous, a perfect little angel. I'm so proud. His name shall surely be Jesus, as God decreed, but to myself I shall think of him as "Smithy". My bonny boy.
MARY: It's almost as if he is trying to talk to us Joseph, I know it's not possible, but I could have sworn he just murmured "Gaga". Bless him.
NARRATOR: Baby Jesus "Smithy" Smith lets out a huge burp and snuffles contentedly in his crib. He is dreaming of a beautiful woman with blonde hair, dancing on a stage.
JOSEPH: Try and rest now Mary, it's going to be a long night.