[Kate!]

Amber Gashflap

Dear Diary...........

First crush aged 7: My first crush was with a boy in primary school. It transpired that "he was an evil little bastard" and he cut all my hair off in registration. He punched me in the face too. I was 7yrs old. He was awful.

First heartbreak: My first heartbreak was when I found out my boyfriend of 3yrs was a violent hostage keeper. He kept me in his mothers garden shed and abused me with garden gnomes, twice daily. It wouldn't have been so bad, but it was a gnome with a crooked hat. It was horrific.

First time drunk!: The first time I was drunk was at my dogs wedding in the garden. We had a pitbull and he married the neighbors collie cross, one fine summers day. I drank two bottles of vodka and ran around my garden screaming that aliens wanted my vagina for probing. I was 17.

Hopes, dreams and ambitions: My hopes for the future is to find someone I can spend the rest of my life with. To have beautiful children and a wonderful husband who puts his family first. One true ambition of mine is to move to Australia and set up a foundation for Kangaroos.

Holidays: My first holiday I remember was in Disneyland Paris. I sat on Mickey Mouse's knee and he whispered in my ear, ''Je vais avoir des relations sexuelles avec Daisy Duck derrière le dos de Donald et mon dieu, elle caquette comme une pute''.

I was 5 and didn't really know what he was talking about.

Family Christmas's: There's been so many brilliant Christmas's that I couldn't actually tell you about just one. Christmas with my family is magical. We get together and we have a really good time.

18/21 Birthday. Nothing spectacular happened on my 18th Birthday. President Bush popped over for a little holiday and invited me out for dinner with his family. They were delightful.The kids went back to the hotel and me and George partied til the early hours of the morning. I had a really nice time.

My 21st was a completely different story. I was being raped by a crooked hatted gnome in a shed in Bromley.

Kate's comment: Amber has been very honest here, she has summed up her diary over the years in a very moving way, rather than reveal specific entries, which were quite traumatic as you can no doubt imagine.