The day dawned comrades, and we were there.
The operation went like clockwork. Not only was our quarry spotted promptly, we had an additional break when our dog-walking duo were able to intercept Mr Clarke's sandwiches as he dropped them getting out of the Audi. Luckily, Petra is not partial to coleslaw and they were able to retrieve them intact, smoothly inserting the edible bug before returning them to him. How pleasantly he thanked them as he tripped and stumbled his way into the building, blissfully unaware of the fate which awaited him.
Consequently we have some fascinating testimony of the brave deeds which were carried out during the morning by the vanguard operatives: namely myself, and Comrades Svetlana and Mark. Shortly after we lured Mr Clarke to the stationery cupboard, transmissions ceased to be received by our mobile communications centre on the bus.
The sandwiches were there on his desk when we left, and had disappeared when he re-emerged into the daylight, blinking and staggering. I can only assume by the tortuous gurglings that immediately preceded the communications blackout that it was probably eaten by big Gary in audit, who is supposed to be on a diet.
This was another fortuitous act, as we were then able to give a feasible reason to MIke, his boss, to remove Mr Clarke to the Dog and Duck for lunch.
Let me surmise: What a glorious day. All our aims were achieved.
I, Olga, was of course, magnificent!
Svetlana was as reliable as ever, and Mark was bumbling and incoherent throughout. Totally convincing as a DTI official. He stood diligent guard outside the stationery cupboard throughout our delicate negotiations. Unswerving in his loyalty, he asked no questions, and facilitated our inconspicuous exit from the premises. His expert spray can actions instantly covered the nail marks scratched along the walls and door frames by a desperate CAD designer in a futile bid to prevent his abduction from the building.
The rest of our brave band was not disappointed by the shaken but plucky show Mr Clarke put up in the confines of the Canvey island Depot. We were able to lavish care and attention on his injuries before we returned him, none the wiser, to his desk.
A glowing report is even now winging his way to his employers, ensuring his promotion and tenure at the company. In short, no-one was left wanting. Helen may have found that Paul was not his usual self last night, but as we have remarked before, he is young and he will quickly mend.
Rest assured, our success has not gone unnoticed comrades. I have high hopes that we will be lavishly rewarded with a four yearly timeshare allocation at a Black Sea resort. For those of us bravely remaining in this decadent country, I may be able to negotiate a week in a luxury mobile home at Golden Sands, Ingoldmells.
To the victor, the spoils!
