Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyramid*
I know what you mean (or rather, what mum means) about being around others who feel sorry for themselves........ had the same kind of thing with my 'dad situ',,.... then mum.... and I totally understand 100% where she is coming from : so I'd be an absolute hypocrite to say otherwise.
If the McMillan nurse is acting as 'mediator' as such: she may pull some strength and understanding from them - god only knows: they have 'seen it all and more'..... and that's something aside: these McMillan nurses: I recall the care they gave my gran Vicky: and to be perfectly honest: they were bloody godsends - for gran and the rest of us.
I don't know what the right thing is either way: I do know that your mum will be in a heck of a position emotionally: and I honestly do think that 'some' (not it all, not given the incorrect info, not given the 'being duped by the surgeon - abeit for perhaps the best of intentions) - has helped her in coming to terms with all of this - the poor soul is (imo) trying to control what she can: but is left floundering. It does make me think though: why the need to tell a patient what 'size' is: if there is a mass that needs be removed: perhaps the word 'mass' with no reference to actual size equivalent should be considered? Hell knows.
In a way: I kinda wish I could just give her a massive big hug - I get the feeling that mum is using her 'anger' as a crutch for seeming to be braver than she perhaps really feels????? I could be well off...... but hell: we all get majorily thrown off kilter when something like this hits us.  |
Thats because depending on the size, the operations are different. If this had turned out to be what they thought originally, she would only have needed a relatively small op and would have recovered quickly, possibly with the need for a little radiotheraphy but not as much as she ended up having.
If it had been what they thought after she had the first small op..it would have, again only needed a slightly bigger operation, but not removal of the whole breast as ended up needing to be done.
They have to let you know the size as otherwise they would be dishing out masectomies to people who shouldnt have them and could have recovered without the big operation. I guess they could just say 'oh you need another operation' but then you would get frustrated not knowing exactly why and having no explanation for being told one minute that you would be fine, and the next that you need more surgery.
In a way, if they didnt get focussed so much on size then a lot of extra stress could be avoided, as I very much doubt my mother has been the only case where it has been wrong. But at the same time a lot of women might end up with a whole breast removed when they could have had minor surgery and still had their breast.