2007 - I'd have been sitting my first set of exams then... I remember being pretty happy for the most part, I got through school with As and Bs, never in trouble at school, I had my circle of friends like most people my age, but I've always been quite an introverted person and I spent a lot of time alone in my room after school, usually on the internet.
2008 - Highers are the most important exams for Scottish kids 'cause they determine whether or not you'll get into uni (as opposed to England where it's your final year of school where that kinda thing is decided) - I got 5As
so I was pretty chuffed with that. My friend group totally fractured and there were sort of 5 of us who were kinda the core group and I feel pretty bad looking back, because most of the rest of my friends who I'm still friends with today were excluded from that... by the end of the school year, one of those five had ditched us for another group of friends and it all ended pretty badly, a lot of negativity at school and the like.
2009 - this is where my life really started changing - I'd always been friendly with most people in my year at school, but as we were in 6th year, we had the common room and I really made a lot of good, solid friends in my final year, with people that I'd only really known casually before. I went on Roaccutane for my acne, which had really lasting effects on me, I believe. I went to uni later in 2009, moving away from home and living in halls. I was gripped by depression a lot of the time. I'd go to uni at 9am, come back after my class around 10.30am and spend all day in my room, maybe all night too, creep into the kitchen when no one was there, make food and go back to my room again. I blame Roaccutane for the feelings of depression I was experiencing, even though I'd stopped taking it in August, they make you fill out a form about depression before they give it to you and my mum recently told me that some guy killed himself because of it and his parents are now campaigning to get it banned... nasty stuff. It did the job though at least, totally acne free now ~flawless. But yeah, as a result I kind of hated 1st year, I didn't make friends in halls bar 3 of my flatmates (in a flat of 10) but it wasn't really until 2nd year I felt like we'd properly become friends, which is odd.
2010 - Much preferred 2010. Moved out of halls, went home for summer and felt totally fine after being around people I knew and loved for a few months. Moved into a flat with my two best friends from school who also study at my uni. Honestly just the best feeling. Started to properly become friends with my course friends who, although I liked them, we'd never socialised outside of uni and it felt a bit wooden almost, like we would have gone through the motions of asking how they were etc but we weren't proper friends until 2nd year? Anyway, that was great.
2011 - Dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, that was pretty hard. He only told me to begin with because I wasn't at home and he told me not to worry about him but I could tell he was devastated, he hadn't even told my mum at this point... One of my flatmates started to be a bit of a dick as well, he wouldn't chip in for communal shopping yet he would eat loads of the food, he was seeing this girl who had a boyfriend and didn't think there was anything wrong with that, I walked in on him having a wank... you know, all those things. Hahaha. But yeah, was kinda glad to have moved out because it was ruining our friendship which is the danger of living with your best friends. I got into what I thought was going to be a proper relationship but instead turned out to be a heartbreaking waste of time. I was basically used as a rebound but it was drawn out over 6 months... ultimately I paid a lot of money to go out and visit to have a week together and got dumped as soon as I got there and pretty much spent a week crying my eyes out with nowhere to go and then had to come back and act like I'd had a really great holiday to my friends and family, who didn't know the real reason why I went. A month later I moved to Germany as part of my degree. I liked the city I lived in and I enjoyed the job, but I hated being there. I felt like I was missing out on being at home. I had few friends there and the ones I did, I felt like were only my friends because I needed to have some, not because I genuinely liked them... which is a pretty awful thing to think, and they were lovely girls, but as a guy, there's only so much you can take of hanging out with girls before you need some male contact, or at least some reprieve from it all... like, they were all mega organised and would assume I'd be coming to everything they'd organise and I'd just not show up and they'd be calling my phone for ages and I'd just sit and watch it ring out and wonder why I was such an awful person... so I think I pretty much battled through a second bout of depression all by myself in Germany. I was still hurting over the way I'd had my heart broken. Eventually I wrote a letter to my little brother telling him what had happened to me because I couldn't bear to tell him in person when I was last at home... he told me he'd read it and that he would reply soon, and then a few days later my dad called me and said they'd "found" the letter (clearly snooped through his things for no reason) and so they found out all about it. That was a very emotional conversation. I was all alone in a foreign country and my parents, mostly my mum, didn't even want to talk to me.. my dad came around after a couple of days and said he'd been giving it a lot of thought and he said that he supported and loved me still and that he was so sorry that I felt I couldn't talk to him about myself, so he started sending me emails almost daily telling me about his life when he was growing up - about his life before he met my mum, before they had me, that kinda thing.. that was a nice bonding experience. It was around this time I decided to go out and start seizing opportunities rather than moping around, because only victims sit around and feel sorry for themselves, and I am not a victim
so I booked flights to go and visit Shaun, because I'd always told myself that I would one day meet an online friend, so I just did it.
2012 - met Shaun in January
so much fun! I started to do lots more with my year abroad. I don't know if I enjoyed the experience overall, I think I would approach it differently if I ever moved abroad again, there are so many things I could have done to fill my spare time productively but none of it ever occurred to me while I was there. I think I might move back to Germany when I graduate. I got sexually assaulted in summer. I'm fine with it, I don't really think it's as big a deal as it sounds when you use the words sexual assault, so I can see why so many people who are victims of it don't go to the police about it... still trying to decide what to do about that. It was like 5 months ago now, would be a bit stupid to do anything about it, and I know the guy who did it reasonably well and maybe it was just because there was too much alcohol involved, but I definitely said no, and other people know about it too, so.. I'm back at uni now. I feel so focused this time around, I'm enjoying my courses; I've given two really great presentations and the other day finished an essay that's due on the 3rd, over a week in advance! The old me would have been working to the deadline. I live with two really good friends of mine from uni (but they don't know each other, kinda awkward to begin with but meh) but not with my best friends, which is a blessing. My best friend and I have kind of drifted apart in a lot of ways, I don't think his girlfriend likes any of us so we don't see him as much, and I don't really confide in him anymore, I blame being abroad for that, but when we do see each other it's all good.. he was the first person I called when I found out I had crabs for example
he even came over to help me remove all my body hair. Such a bonding experience
. I keep seeing my ex around uni too. He keeps trying to make conversation, and I'm not the kind of person who'll be rude to someone if I don't want to talk to them, but I'm a lot more guarded now.. don't really trust people as much as I used to, but I'm almost reckless with how easily I'll believe people, so I think overall that's a good thing.