We are given to understand that the one and only, the awesome, the absolutely stonkingly gorgeous Paul Clarke has a birthday this Friday.
I'd buy him a magic mirror, then he could ask:
'Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Have I lost any hair at all?'
And the mirror would answer:
Fairest of men, whom nature blesses
The one who has such perfect tresses
You do not need to fret or care
You have a blinding head of hair!
And:
A refrigerated lunch box
to keep his .....................................
coleslaw sandwiches double cool
What would you buy him?
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