[Shaun]

Barbadian lady named Suze dressed from head to toe in purple sequins and a tribal necklace.

"Ammi, me gurl," Suze began, "I been meaning to warn ya sister, ya little one, that bumbaclot who run after the Novo boy like a poofter."
Ammi thought for a moment that this patois had taken a number of offensive turns already and was about to interrupt but was pushed aside by Suze as she walked in and helped herself to a glass of rum.
"I be meaning to tell you gurl, that he done run away to some place called The Island, although it ain't no Caribbean paradise you get me?" Suze swigged and threw her hands up in the air in dramatic fashion. "At least I tink it was an island, he kept mentioning his bellend, I done nearly choke on my lentils!"

Ammi tried to take this all in, and Shaun stood smugly as his story was proven right - albeit with a confusing reggae twist - whilst inspecting his nails.

"You done checkin' yo fingers wit me boy? Ammi my sister you done raised a pair of homo brothers if you hear me!" Suze rolled her eyes as she was shown the door by Shaun, who slipped in a derogatory comment about the size of Suze's ankles.

"What are we going to do, mummy?" Shaun whined.
"Listen to Rebel Rebel?" Ammi suggested, scrambling for her vinyl collection.
"But after that!" Shaun persisted, whilst strapping on his platform heels.

Just then, there was a crash upstairs...