[OVERTURE/ALL THAT JAZZ]
JENNA:
COME ON BABE,
WHY DON’T WE PAINT THE TOWN?
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
I’M GONNA ROUGE MY KNEES,
AND ROLE MY STOCKINGS DOWN,
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
START THE CAR,
I KNOW A WHOOPEE SPOT,
WHERE THE GIN IS COLD,
BUT THE PIANO’S HOT!
IT’S JUST A NOISY HALL,
WHERE THERE’S A NIGHTLY BRALL,
AND ALL, THAT, JAZZ!
ALL:
SKIDOO!
JENNA:
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
ALL:
HOTCHA!
WHOOPIE!
JENNA:
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
ALL:
HA! HA! HA!
JENNA:
SO LICK YOUR HAIR,
AND WEAR YOUR BUCKLED SHOES
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
I HEAR THAT FATHER DIP,
IS GONNA BLOW THE BLUES,
AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls! Welcome to ‘All that Jazz!’
ALL:
cheers and applause
The lights on SL go off, on SR, Chloe and Jacob are sat on seats
CHLOE: I can’t stand that stupid woman, not after what she did to me
JACOB: Could you remind me?
CHLOE: For goodness sake Jacob, I’ve told you a hundred times, do I have to repeat myself?
JACOB: For the record, yes you do, you are still on probation and I don’t have a clue why
CHLOE: Ugh, fine!
While Chloe carries on talking, lights come up on SL where Jenna waltzes on all glammed up
CHLOE: It started in school,
she stands up, and it was just a normal day and BOOM, there she is...
Jenna acts diva-ish
CHLOE: Miss Jenna Bish-face
JENNA: Hey guys!
Chloe instantly switches characters
CHLOE: Who are you?
JENNA: I’m Jenna Bishop, new today
CHLOE: Oh
JENNA: I’m sure we can be close friends in the distant future
CHLOE: Yeah, let’s hope...
Jenna walks away and speaks to other people
CHLOE: I already can’t stand her and she wants to be friends? I need to go lie down
Chloe runs off stage with a trail of girls behind her who are making ridiculous noises
JESS: Deep breaths,
heavy panting, deep breaths, oh, I’m going to faint... oh god
She faints; two people catch her and drag her off stage
[WHAT IS THIS FEELING]
CHLOE:
WHAT IS THIS FEELING,
SO SUDDEN AND NEW?
JENNA:
I FELT THE MOMENT,
I LAID EYES ON YOU!
CHLOE:
MY PULSE IS RUSHING
JENNA:
MY HEAD IS REELING
CHLOE:
MY FACE IS FLUSHING
BOTH:
WHAT IS THIS FEELING?
FERVID AS A FLAME,
DOES IT HAVE A NAME?
YES... LOATHING!
UNADULTERATED LOATHING
CHLOE: For your face
JENNA: Your voice
JENNA: Your clothing...
BOTH:
LET’S JUST SAY,
I LOATHE IT ALL!
EVERY LITTLE TRAIT HOWEVER SMALL,
WITH SIMPLE UTTER LOATHING,
THERE’S A STRANGE EXHILARATION,
IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION
IT’S SO PURE, SO STRONG!
THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST,
STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST...
AND I WILL BE LOATHING, YOU MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!
STUDENTS:
DEAR CHLOE YOU ARE JUST TOO GOOD,
HOW DO YOU STAND IT?
I DON’T THINK I COULD!
SHE’S A TERROR, SHE’S A TARTAR,
WE DON’T MEAN TO SHOW A BIAS,
BUT CHLOE YOU’RE A MARTYR
CHLOE:
WELL, THESE THINGS ARE SENT TO TRY US!
STUDENTS:
POOR CHLOE FORCED TO RESIDE,
WITH SOMEONE SO DISGUSTICIFIED;
WE JUST WANT TO TELL YOU,
WE’RE ALL ON YOUR SIDE!
IN COUNTERPOINT
JENNA & CHLOE:
WHAT IS THIS FEELING,
SO SUDDEN AND NEW?
I FELT THE MOMENT,
I LAID EYES ON YOU!
MY PULSE IS RUSHING,
MY HEAD IS REELING...
OH, WHAT IS THIS FEELING?
FERVID AS A FLAME...
DOES IT HAVE A NAME?
YES! AH!
STUDENTS: (background)
LOATHING,
UNADULTERATED LOATHING,
FOR HER FACE, HER VOICE HER CLOTHING!
LET’S JUST SAY... WE LOATH IT ALL!
EVERY LITTLE TRAIT HOWEVER SMALL,
MAKES OUR VERY FLESH BEGIN TO CRAWL,
AH!
ALL:
LOATHING!
STUDENTS:
LOATHING!
BOTH:
THERE’S A STRANGE EXHILERATION
ALL:
LOATHING!
BOTH:
IT’S SO PURE, SO STRONG!
ALL:
SO STRONG!
BOTH:
THOUGH I DO ADMIT,
IT CAME ON FAST...
STILL I DO BELIEVE IT CAN LAST...
AND I WILL BE LOATHING,
TRULY, DEEPLY LOATHING, YOU!
LOATHING YOU!
MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!
LESLIE: Oi! Clear off you lot, what’s going on?
JENNA: Nothing, Miss
CHLOE: She hit me miss!
LESLIE: Is this true?
JENNA: No, miss. Of course it isn’t!
LESLIE: What was your name again?
JENNA: It’s Jenna, miss, Jenna Bishop
LESLIE: Okay, Ms. Bishop. You’re on a warning. Don’t let me catch you doing that again
JENNA: Yes Miss
CHLOE: Are you going to let her get away with that?
LESLIE: Well of course I am, there is no proof
CHLOE: I have to get to rehearsals...
Chloe runs off stage and comes on from the other side, on SL there is a crowd in Masquerade masks
[MASQUERADE]
ALL:
MASQUERADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE!
MASQUERADE! HIDE YOUR FACE,
SO THE WORLD WILL NEVER FIND YOU!
MASQUERADE! EVERY FACE A DIFFERENT SHADE...
MASQUERADE! LOOK AROUND,
THERE’S ANOTHER MASK BEHIND YOU!
CHLOE: It’s not working! John, you’re out...
John runs off crying
JAKE: Chloe, we’re trying our best
CHLOE: Try harder, Jake, from the top everyone!
[MASQUERADE]
JAKE: I must say, all the same it is a shame that Phantom fellow isn’t here...
ALL:
MASQUERADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE!
MASQUERADE! HIDE YOUR FACE,
SO THE WORLD WILL NEVER FIND YOU!
MASQUERADE! EVERY FACE A DIFFERENT SHADE...
MASQUERADE! LOOK AROUND,
THERE’S ANOTHER MASK BEHIND YOU!
FLASH OF MAUVE
SPLASH OF PUCE
FOOL AND KING
GHOUL AND GOOSE
GREEN AND BLACK
QUEEN AND PRIEST
TRACE OF ROUGE
FACE OF BEST,
FACES!
TAKE YOUR TURN, TAKE A RIDE,
ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND,
IN AN INHUMAN RACE,
EYE OF GOLD
THIGH OF BLUE,
TRUE IS FALSE,
WHO IS WHO
CURL OF LIP,
SWIRL OF GOWN,
ACE OF HEARTS,
FACE OF CLOWN,
FACES! DRINK IT DOWN, DRINK IT UP,
TILL YOU’VE DROWNED,
IN THE LIGHT,
IN THE SOUND,
BUT WHO CAN NAME THE FACES?
MASQUERADE! GRINNING YELLOW, SPINNING REDS!
MASQUERADE! TAKE YOUR FILL, LET THE SPECTACALE ASTOUND YOU
MASQUERADE! BURNING GLANCES,TURNING HEADS,
MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE AT THE SEA OF SMILES AROUND YOU!
MASQUERADE! SEETHING SHADOWS BREATHING LIES,
MASQUERADE! YOU CAN FOOL ANY FRIEND WHO EVER KNEW YOU!
MASQUERADE! LEERING STYRS, PEERING EYES,
MASQUERADE! RUN AND HIDE, BUT THE FACEWILL STILL PURSUE YOU!
[PHANTOM OF THE OPERA]
CHLOE:
IN SLEEP HE SANG TO ME,
IN DREAMS HE CAME!
THE VOICE THAT CALLS TO ME,
AND SPEAKS MY NAME!
AND DO I DREAM AGAIN?
FOR NOW I FIND,
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, IS THERE,
INSIDE MY MINE...
JAKE:
SING ONCE AGAIN WITH ME,
OUR STRANGE DUET,
MY POWER OVER YOU,
GROWS STRONGER YET!
AND THOUGH YOU TURN FROM ME,
TO GLANCE BEHIND,
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE,
INSIDE YOUR MIND...
CHLOE:
THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE,
DRAW BACK IN FEAR,
I AM THE MASK YOU WEAR...
JAKE:
IT’S ME THEY HEAR
BOTH:
YOUR/MY SPIRIT AND YOUR/MY VOICE,
IN ONE COMBINED,
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, IS THERE,
IN SIDE YOUR/MY MIND
ALL:
HE’S THERE, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
CHLOE:
HE’S THERE, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
JAKE:
SING, MY ANGEL OF MUSIC
SING, MY ANGEL!
SING FOR ME,
SING MY ANGEL!
SING FOR ME!
CHLOE: Well done everyone! That’s it for today, tomorrow its wicked rehearsals, don’t be late
JAKE: Who am I in Wicked?
CHLOE: How about, erm, Boq?
JAKE: Boq?! BOQ?! He’s a Munchkin, you can’t be serious
CHLOE: Who did you want?
JAKE: Fiyero, obviously
CHLOE: I’ll see what I can do
JAKE: Are you Glinda?
CHLOE: Of course
JAKE: Who is The Wicked Witch, Elphaba?
CHLOE: I don’t know, we’re auditioning tomorrow
Jenna walks in
JENNA: Hi, does anyone know where the
wicked auditions are?
JAKE: Not ‘till tomorrow
JENNA: Okay, thank you
LESLIE: Oi, class, all of you!
CHLOE: We’re busy
LESLIE: I beg your pardon?
CHLOE: I said we’re busy
LESLIE: Really, I could have sworn you said you want to cancel your show... I guess I’ll let everyone
know
CHLOE: No, sorry, we’ll go...
They all leave except Leslie
LESLIE: Damn it, I wanted to cancel that stupid thing...
She goes to leave but turns and begins singing
LITTLE GIRLS,
LITLE GIRLS,
EVERYWHERE I TURN,
I CAN SEE THEM!
LITTLE GIRLS,
LITTLE GIRLS,
NIGHT AND DAY,
I EAT, SLEEP AND BREATHE THEM!
I’M AN ORDINARY WOMAN,
WITH FEELINGS,
I’D LIKE A MAN TO NIBBLE ON MY EAR,
BUT I’LL ADMIT,
NO MAN AS BIT...
SO HOW COME I’M THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR?
LITTLE CHEEKS,
LITTLE TEETH,
EVERYTHING AROUND ME,
IS LITTLE!
IF I WRING,
LITTLE NECKS,
SURELY I WILL GET AN ACQUTTAL
SOME WOMEN ARE DRIPPING WITH DIAMONDS,
SOME WOMEN ARE DRIPPING WITH PEARLS,
LUCKY ME! LUCKY ME!
LOOK AT WHAT I’M DRIPPING WITH!
LITTLE GIRLS...
HOW I HATE,
LITTLE SHOES,
LITTLE SOCKS,
AND EACH LITTLE BLOOMER,
I’D HAVE CRACKED
YEARS AGO,
IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY,
SENSE OF HUMOUR
SOME DAY,
I’LL STEP ON THEIR FRECKLES,
SOME NIGHT,
I’LL STRAIGHTEN THEIR CURLS,
SEND A FLOOD,
SEND THE FLU,
ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN DO,
TO LITTLE GIRLS!
CHLOE: We love you Miss Hannigan
LESLIE: I... what do you mean?
CHLOE: Come off it, I’ve been here for the past few minutes... I need to ask something
LESLIE: Well, yes, go on...
CHLOE: Okay, well Jenna wants to audition for Elphaba tomorrow, so can I say no?
LESLIE: No
CHLOE: Yes
LESLIE: No
CHLOE: No, as in... No?
LESLIE: Yes
CHLOE: So she can’t get the part
LESLIE: No
CHLOE: Thank you
LESLIE: For what?
CHLOE: She can’t get the part...
LESLIE: Of course she can
CHLOE: But you just said –
LESLIE: I know what I said...
Chloe runs off in a tantrum
LESLIE:
SOME DAY I’LL LAND IN THE NUT HOUSE,
WITH ALL THE NUTS AND THE SQURRELS,
THERE I’LL STAY,
TUCKED AWAY,
UNTIL THE PROHIBITION OF...
LITTLE GIRLS!
Lights off, the lights come back up on a small audition room with Chloe, Jenna and Tom
TOM: It’s Jenna Bishop
CHLOE: Get on with it, Jenna; we all know how this will turn out
JENNA: I’m going to do ‘No Good Deed’ from Wicked
CHLOE: Yeah whatever
[NO GOOD DEED]
JENNA:
ELEKA NAHMEN, NAHMEN,
AH TUM, AH TUM, ELEKA NAHMEN
ELEKA NAHMEN, NAHMEN,
AH TUM, AH TUM, ELEKA NAHMEN
LET HIS FLESH NOT BE TORN,
LET HIS BLOOD LEAVE NO STAIN,
WHEN THEY BEAT HIM,
LET HIM FEEL NO PAIN!
ELEKA NAHMEN, NAHMEN,
AH TUM, AH TUM, ELEKA NAHMEN
ELEKA NAHMEN, NAHMEN,
AH TUM, AH TUM, ELEKA... ELEKA!
UGH! WHAT GOOD IS THIS CHANTING?
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M READING!
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TRICK,
I OUGHT TO TRY...
FIYERO, WHERE ARE YOU?
ALREADY DEAD OR BLEEDING?
ONE MORE DISASTER I CAN ADD TO MY,
GENEROUS SUPPLY!
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED,
NO ACT OF CHARITY GOES UNRESENTED!
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED,
THAT’S MY NEW CREED!
MY ROAD OF GOOD INTENTIONS,
LED WHERE SUCH ROADS ALWAYS LEAD...
NO GOOD DEED,
GOES UNPUNISHED!
Nessa... Doctor Dillamond, Fiyero...
FIYERO!
ONE QUESTION HAUNTS AND HURTS,
TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH TO MENTION...
WAS I REALLY SEEKING GOOD?
OR JUST SEEKING ATTENTION?
IS THAT ALL GOOD DEEDS ARE,
WHEN LOOKED AT WITH AN ICE COLD EYE,
IF THAT’S ALL GOOD DEEDS ARE,
THEN MAYBE THAT’S THE REASON WHY!
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
ALL HELPFUL URGES SHOULD BE CIRCUMVENTED,
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
SURE I MEANT WELL, WELL LOOK AT WHAT WELL MEANT DID!
ALRIGHT ENOUGH, SO BE IT,
SO BE IT THEN...
LET ALL OF OZ BE AGREED,
I’M WICKED THROUGH AND THROUGH
SINCE I CANNOT SUCCEED,
FIYERO SAVING YOU,
I PROMISE NO GOOD DEED,
WILL I ATTEMPT TO DO AGAIN... EVER AGAIN!
NO GOOD DEED,
WILL I DO...
AGAIN!
Tom claps and Chloe hits his arm
TOM: Well done
CHLOE: Yeah... we’ll let you know
JENNA: Did I get the part?
CHLOE: No
JENNA: Excuse me?
TOM: Thank you Jenna, we’ll let you know
Jenna exits
TOM: You’ve got to let this go –
CHLOE: I’ve been meaning to talk to you...
TOM: Right...
CHLOE: Remember when Jess got hit by that car?
TOM: Of course
CHLOE: She didn’t fall... Jenna pushed her
TOM: What?
CHLOE: I didn’t want to tell you because you’d be too upset
TOM: How could she?
CHLOE: You’ve got to do something... listen, I know a guy who owns something...
TOM: Owns what?
CHLOE: A gun...
Silence
TOM: When can you get it for?
CHLOE: I’ll give him a call...
They both exit, peering around the corner is Connor
CONNOR: Oh my god...
Leslie walks on to the stage
CONNOR: Miss!
LESLIE: Yes, Connor?
CONNOR: I’ve just heard Tom and Chloe talking; she is getting someone to get a gun for Tom
LESLIE: Don’t be ridiculous, where is Chloe going to get a gun from?
Jake enters
JAKE: You wanted to see me Miss?
CONNOR: Please listen to me, she is getting a gun, you’ve got to tell the Police
JAKE: Who is getting a gun?
CONNOR: Chloe
JAKE: What?! What the hell for?!
CONNOR: I think to shoot Jenna, I’m not sure... Tom is going to do it
JAKE: Oh my god, here, use my phone to call the Police
They both run off
LESLIE: For goodness sake, it really is ‘handbags at dawn’, only Chloe’s has got a gun in it
She laughs hysterically
LESLIE: Chloe’s has got a gun in it, oh my god... ha ha! Wait, argh!! Chloe’s has got a gun in it!
She runs off the stage, Tom walks on the opposite side, next to him is Jenna
TOM: Hey, you okay?
JENNA: Yeah I’m not bad thanks
TOM: Listen, I understand you’ve been having a hard time –
JENNA: Yes I have, so you tell them idiots –
TOM: No, no... I’m here to tell you that you’ve got the part as Elphaba!
JENNA: Really?!
TOM: I worked a bit of magic with Chloe and she said you’ve got it
JENNA: Aw thank you so much!
TOM: However... my little sister, Lilly wants that part
JENNA: But I’ve auditioned and if Chloe didn’t have it in for me, I’d have got it without you
TOM: Yeah, and you still have the part... but say if something bad was to happen
He pulls out a gun
TOM: You know nobody likes you here, so nobody is going to care...
JENNA: But –
TOM: Every body hates you, Jenna
JENNA: Just put the gun down, Tom
TOM: So listen to me –
JENNA: Tom, please
She begins crying
TOM: You listen to me, you ignorant little girl, Lilly will get that part –
JENNA: She’s got it; just put the gun down, please
TOM: No way, you’re going to pay for what you did to Jess...
JENNA: Jess? Who is Jess?
TOM: Don’t act like you don’t know...
JENNA: Know what?!
TOM: You pushed Jess in front of that car...
JENNA: What?! No I didn’t! Who told you that?!
TOM: None of your business...
JENNA: If it was Chloe, she’s lying!
TOM: Anyway, no body will notice if you’ve gone...
JENNA: Please –
TOM: Not even your mum or dad
JENNA: Don’t say that –
TOM: Say what?! The truth?
JENNA: I’ll kill you!
TOM: Stay there!
LIGHTS OFF and GUN SHOT