[Benjamin]

#15 -Zee's Crabs

Originally Posted by Zee

As TiBB's most beloved virgin, it came quite a shock to me this morning when I discovered that I have ****ing CRABS, ALL OVER MY LOWER HALF. I'm devastated, I've been upset all evening, I've literally no idea how this has happened but crabs I most certainly have. Going to the pharmacy tomorrow to get something for it, I don't even know what I'm supposed to ask for, I've had to tell my friend who stayed over here last night because you can catch it even just sharing a bed with someone who has it (which is how I'm assuming I caught crabs) which was just beyond embarrassing, and I don't know who else to talk to about this because it's so ****ing humiliating. I'm going to be known as the boy who caught an STD without doing the ST part. This is so unfair, some people shag and shag and shag and never catch anything; I share a bed and am now riddled with ****ing monsters. There are even some down on my ankles because I've got such hairy legs, it's repulsive, waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Originally Posted by Zee

Imagine seeing that **** all over your legs Vicky! It's like a ****ing horror film!!! I want to vomit!

Originally Posted by Zee

So this morning I went to the Boots round the corner from my flat and they didn't have anything but they helpfully phoned up the nearest branch to see if they had anything, which they did. I then went into this second branch of Boots and asked the girl at the till if they had any Lyclear cream, but not the head lice one. She looked at me like I was Russell Brand, and then asked her supervisor, who then asked the pharmacist, so then the entire staff behind the counter knew I needed this cream. They had some, and the supervisor asked me "is it scabies?" - mortified, I said "no, it's crab lice" and then committed suicide in front of her. It set me back £10.27 (jesus ****) and I've spent ages covering myself head to toe in this cream and am now washing absolutely everything I've pretty much laid my hands on in the last few days, I've been wiping down all the surfaces in my room etc, ****ing gross

How to get an STD without having sex? Only this could happen to Zee, who with his magnificent way of oversharing decided to inform us all about it which had most of the forum feeling sorry for him whilst pissing themselves. I think it was the great detail and way in which Zee described the whole ordeal that sealed this as one of the most memorable and funny things to occur on TiBB..