Perhaps an open letter to my Dermieeeeeeeeee may help
What about this......
Dear Dermot,
What are you doing
I thought I was your one and only!? you used to sing to me

and often dance! but I heard an awful rumour

that you have another lover

Well i won't believe it!

I will chase you on my horse

till i win you back and fight any other woman until you are mine

I'm good at marital arts
that is all for now
yours FOREVER!!!

Mrs O 'Leary