Perhaps an open letter to my Dermieeeeeeeeee may help
What about this......
Dear Dermot,
What are you doing
I thought I was your one and only!? you used to sing to me
and often dance! but I heard an awful rumour
that you have another lover
Well i won't believe it!
I will chase you on my horse
till i win you back and fight any other woman until you are mine
I'm good at marital arts
that is all for now
yours FOREVER!!!
Mrs O 'Leary