[GiRTh]

1. Shilpa Shetty – My number one by default. She’s annoying, controlling and, can be, bit of a pain in the ass. She’s also classy, elegant and dignified. During the race row she conducted herself with immense dignity through an argument that had been brewing for quite some time.

2. Jermaine Jackson – Quite, calm and always in control of himself. Many people criticise the peacemaker in BB but every house needs one or there’d be chaos. And not very entertaining chaos to boot. Probably the real winner of CBB5 as his Jackson 5 musical project is bound to be a hit.

3. Dirk Benedict - Grouchy, cranky but a great sense of humour. Face from the A-Team made by far the best entrance to the house and, while in the house, tried his damdest to be voted out. How can you not be entertained by that?

4. Danielle Lloyd – A very high position for Danielle all things considered. I genuinely believe she’s a nice girl. She’s simple, stupid and weak but she’s also a great deal more calculating than she lets on. Danielle is the kind of girl who thinks her looks can get her out of every scrape. They probably have done up to now. Having said that, I like Danielle – I always stated that – she provided many funny moments in the house.

5. Donny Tourette – His entrance was as spectacular as his departure. He would have been one to watch if he had stayed the course. He is a posh punk and is regurgitating the attitudes of a generation ago. He is also very funny in an unintentional kind of way.

6. H – What a nice man. We found out on that day he went in that H does not stand for hetro, but what a pleasant happy sort he turned out to be. Some would say nauseously so.

7. Cleo Rocos – What a disappointment. I was a fan of hers back in the day and was looking forward to her stay in the house. She started well but when it all kicked off showed how spineless and two faced she was. She committed one of the cardinal sins of Big Brother. She established herself as a shoulder to cry on for Shilpa, and then nominated her. How low can you go? Her characters were not funny and her assault on Dirk was tantamount to harassment. A spectacular fall from grace.

8. Ken Russell – I thought it was a mistake for Ken to enter the house. He is too old and he is a maverick director. He was never going to be comfortable viewing. He did the decent thing when he left

9. Jack Tweed – Was he in there? A compete non-entity. Nuff said.

10. Carole Malone – I do not read her column but I am aware of it. The column taints her in that you cannot believe a word she says. You can smell the insincerity

11. Jackiey - First, who the hell spells Jackie like that? It is as if she put so many letters in there that it must be right. They say look at a woman’s mother to find out what she has to become. Scary. On the other side, her constant mispronunciation of Shilpa name was very funny. Shippa. Sherpa. Shepherd and on and on.

12. Leo Sayer – As he walked in to the house I thought of cuddly Leo being a possible winner then – wait a minute – this guys a pr*ck with ears. His exit did give me the biggest laugh. The sight of him kicking of with the burly bouncers still tickles me.

13. Jade Goody – What can I state that has not already been stated. I still maintain that one of the reason she treated Shilpa in that fashion was because she had never heard of her. Jade Goody 2007 differs from Jade Goody 2003 in that she now has an ego. The day after the Oxo argument I recall she’s was boasting how she gets invited to parties at Kate Moss’ house and Will Smith once recognised her on a plane. Jade Goody with an ego is a monster that should never have been created.

14. Jo 0’Misery – I cannot work this girl out. I was a bit of closet S Club fan and was looking forward to her stay in the house. Oh, my god I cannot believe what she is like. She is toxic, vindictive, bitchy I could go on. When she was in the house, she was as happy as Larry spouting her bitterness. Now she is out and she witnessed the impact it is had she is going through a breakdown. I cannot work it out. How can she only be happy when she is making others unhappy? I thought I was going to like her, but am shocked and dismayed by her appalling attitude to everything. I see in today’s paper that she does not want Shilpa to visit her. What is that all about? She is almost implying that her plight is Shilpa’s fault. Her attitude stinks to high hell.