[Stu]

There is a very offbeat creature who is on my bus home from work every day. She's about 45 but dresses like a 16 year old and comes plastered in this insanely orange foundation that makes her look like a transvestite version of Taz from wrestling. She goes out to town each night I think to try and catch a shag which is quite sad and I don't think she's all there but she has the single worst taste in music of any person in living memory.

She pumps herself up for the big night out with phone speaker choons of this Crazy Frog type stuff. The lowest, lowest, lowest possible rung of dance music that makes the bloke from Ultrabeat look like some svengali. It's this completely mental 180 bpm noise with scratchy vocals and it goes on and on and on.

One night I want to actually follow her to wherever she goes and see what her craic is.