[Mrluvaluva]

Exclusive

"The Daily Spar can confirm today that Danielle Lloyd has 2 eyes. We can also exclusively reveal that she has a nose and a mouth, and have produced this photo shoot to show all our readers this amazing fact, giving her an excuse to get her kit off, so we can all get our rocks off. Danni, who is currently on holiday in Dubai, due to the pressures of her hectic schedule and not having a proper holiday for at least 2 weeks, was only too pleased to give our photographer a "helping hand". There were reports yesterday that Danni had got back together with Teddy Sherringham, but there was no news to write about her today, so she dumped him to create some. Danni, who is famed for her bullying of Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother 5, was not available for comment, but exclusively talked to our reporter by phone. When asked about her on/off relationship with Teddy (a bit like her knickers), she commented "Uh. What was the question again"? You can see the exclusive photo shoot in tomorrows Daily Spar, when we will have another chance to plaster her all over the front page whilst running a ridiculous story about Dannis' technique for cleaning your teeth, but at least we will all get to ogle her tits".