[Stu]

I started watching WCW on some weird German channel [DSF or something like that?] that we could pick up in 2000 so I would have been 9. You'd have to stay up until midnight to catch Nitro and it was always followed by the finest in German blue. Disco Inferno would be suplexing Crowbar through a table, then the feed would go fuzzy and next thing these Frauleins would be on their knees on a dimly lit soundstage wiping cum from their tits.

I found the dicks really weird and strange looking. I knew it was normal that porn should have willies but compared to my pre pubescent todger I found the sausage on porn to be very scary looking. All throbbing and bobbing, more tanned than mine and covered in GoodFellas hair.

My mum caught me once or twice and it was intensely embarrassing. She never saw me watch the porn, though. I got away with it for months like a proper Patrick.