[daniel-lewis-1985]

As many of you know I fell flat on my face and broke my nose... as you do. tomorrow I have a family event so thought why not get a haircut, spruce myself up.

I asked for crew cut she gave me cone head. I then went to boots to buy fake tan as I need to cover up all this brusing on my face. I thought why not go all out and look all exotic.

As I applied the tan, it kept getting darker and darker till finally I looked Somalian.

I tried scrubbing my face but nothing! Then noticed my eyebrows and eyelashes were brown. So right now im sat in front of a handheld mirror applying mascara to my eyebrows. I must say the sales girl at Boots was very unsympathetic.

How do I get this stuff off my face coz I look like ive been rolling around in sh!t.