[Hooly One]

Life's Just A Cabaret
Day 26, 21:16
Tuesday 22 June

The housemates distinguished themselves in their night's task performing two shows that combined comedy, tragedy, comedy, drama and comedy.

The first show was a sci-fi tale of 'Two Potential Lesbians and Their Intergalactic Pimp'. Michelle, narrating as Dan, introduced the players: Jason as Victor, Vanessa as Ahmed, Stuart as Shell and Marco, fondling his Nadia breasts with glee.

The two potential lesbians, Shell and Nadia, were introduced as "one, a beautiful princess, the other, a dirty slut."

They were attacked by a crazed Ahmed before Victor arrived on the planet saying, "Easy, easy. Hey babe. I'm all the man you need," and somehow saving the day.

What the movie lacked in narrative it made up in hammy fun, the audience too busy laughing to take much notice. The only sound that could be heard above the cheering was Victor saying to Jason: "You made me out to be a dick!"

Bare-faced cheek as Jay aka Vic gets down to bizniz


The second performance of the evening was an equally low budget period piece. Dan played Marco, Nadia played Michelle, Ahmed was Stuart, Shell was Vanessa and Victor, Jason.

Ahmed's impression of Stuart consisted of him saying, "Amaaazing," and earned him a laugh. His Stuart managed to persuade Michelle to join him for a game by suggesting it would be 'horizontal'.

"Flippin' 'eck, chick," said "Michelle", as she jumped on "Stu."

Marco was all clapping hands and 'darling' as he plotted to kill Vanessa and Michelle with poison.

Jason came on the scene with his finest Scots' accent and his buns exposed. He soon had Vanessa on the ground with his buttocks pounding above her and the audience rolled up in laughter.

The show ended with death and love all over the place. All the housemates had a blast, but don't expect to see any of them in the West End any time soon.