[clairedaisy]

This is on heatworld.com

Our friends at the Big Brother press office (who we speak to more often than our actual friends at the moment) have let us into a few secrets about this year's housemates. And we can reveal that…

One is a member of the WI (heatworld's mum is in the WI… Oh no *Picks up phone. Frantically dials. No answer. Sick feeling in stomach...*).

One is a political protester (Hurrah! Kitten's back!).

One is a cleaner (We thought there had been a build-up of crumbs underneath heatworld's desk in the last few days).

One is the oldest ever housemate (Margaret Thatcher?).

One used to be a lap dancer (But heatworld is sure it hasn't put itself up for Big Brother. God, hope a blacked-out car doesn't pull up outside heat Towers later...).

One housemate could read from the age of two (Please, please, please, let it be transexual antiques expert and all-round genius, Lauren Harries).

One is a nanny (Hurrah! Must be Jude Law's nanny lady! She'll have some good stories to tell...).

Three housemates have never been on a plane (And this is the most interesting thing about them?).

One housemate is related to a Premiership footballer (Apparently this is Kieran Richardson's cousin, but heatworld is still holding its breath for Joanne Beckham).

Nine housemates are single (Hurrah! Loads of duvet action! Not that being in a relationship ever stopped any of the housemates before…).

Two housemates have children (Liz Hurley! Victoria Beckham! Britney! The Queen… *Starts hyperventilating. Faints. Convulses*).