[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..yeah, I do think that circumstances/environment etc do rule certain things and certain behaviours etc to an extent...but I also think that if someone does 'take advantage'..if we feel that..?..then really it would just be to make some decisions as to whether we wanted to keep that friendship, resolve things but not for us ourselves to change because of someone else's behaviour toward us when it's they're behaviour that is questionable, not our own etc...because then we wouldn't be being true to ourselves and who we are and we would be allowing them to take something good about ourselves/something trusting away from us..?..it just wouldn't make sense to me to allow someone to do that...


...hmmmm, I guess lending money to friends is a tricky one...also because in many cases, just being in the position of feeling that you need to borrow money could mean that you maybe can't pay it back or would find it difficult and a struggle so to me that would be like increasing that person or friend's debt..(obviously I'm generalising..).my dad always said..never lend anything that you can't afford to give and that's something that I also believe in...that if I was in a position to help and felt that I wanted to, then I would but I would never expect any financial repayment because then I would be adding to that friend's debt..and also leaving myself open to feeling let down when the decision to lend was mine...just to know that it had helped would be the thing... or maybe I would see if I could help in other ways that didn't involve money etc...

I guess some of us are just a lot more 'gullible' than others - I know that genuinely I have been -- time and time again. I am blessed with some good friends - true friends - who have been my friends for years, some since school, but I have also known lots of turds who were supposed to be friends, but who just took advantage of my nature and gullibility.

I wouldn't say it has changed who I am as a person, more that because I'm now resigned to the fact that I can't change myself, I do not socialise as much except with my true friends, so have changed my social customs.

As for the 'money' aspect of lending, I have saved the home of one long time 'friend' from being repossessed, by providing an informal interest free 'bridging' loan (because he could no longer get credit) until he received some capital he was due to. Well he received the capital but then avoided me and never paid me back, even though he took a luxury holiday and went on a spending spree etc. I tried all civil, polite ways to get him to repay me, but eventually had to threaten him with court action before he paid just under half of it back.

I never received the rest but wrote it off as 'experience'. He was bitter after this and I had lost a 'friend', made any enemy, and lost thousands into the bargain - all because I tried to give help to a 'friend' who asked me for it.

I honestly have never lent money to friends who could not 'afford' to pay it back, and expected it back (never asked for it back in fact) because I have helped them in other, more subtle ways, such as employing them and overpaying them when I didn't really need anyone.

When I have had bad times - as I have - my true friends have always been there for me, but I was really referring to the 'non true' friends in my post Ammi - people who have changed over the years, and some people do change - or at least in my experience.