[Crimson Dynamo]

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No. I think you're fattest."

I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.