[Jake.]

Tom & Lucas:

Originally Posted by _LucasMichael_

This story begins when a group of Coach Trippers who begin their quest to get around Europe without being kicked off the coach for being massive bellends, the trip is going extremely well as the passengers on board are in the midst of a tough game of Eye-Spy until one of the coach dykes decides to cry out vagina as one of their guesses to the horror and dismay of the other passengers on board who are mostly into penis. Suddenly the youngest member of the coach (who even invited him on a 30 day tour, surely he should be at school) goes into panic mode, "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH, STOP THE COACH NOW" Tom cried, the others casually rolling their eyes at him, "This isn't Final Destination, you daft slag" Shaun bellowed. "No I promise you, we are all going to go crashing into a tree if we don't get off this coach this instant"... "Well we are at our first activity now anyway luv, so we will have to get off the coach now regardless" explained Lucas. The team got off and were making their way into the Latvian cheese factory (Is Latvia known for it's cheese? I don't ****ing know, we are in Vienna anyway). Suddenly the coach makes a loud noise, the breaks are out of control and Luke who is relieving himself by a tree. is crushed in an instant by the out of control vehicle, the others turn around and are totally baffled by the scenario. "I told you something like this would happen" sobbed Tom. "3 words totally didn't save his life lol" joked AmyJade. Jake is furiously unaware of what has happened and demands that the rest of the passengers make their way into the factory at once. "We must NOT be late for our first activity, I will be a laughing stock with the international tour guide society." The group are stopped by Laverne (I don't even know where I am going with this tbh and I still have about 10 deaths to complete without using the word bellowed again) who is showing them all the different cheeses that Latvia has to offer. "This is ****e, I am lactose intolerant" groans Drew, who wanders off not listening to another word that Laverne has to say despite his beauty (he's not exactly Alexis is he). After the presentation is over and the group are bored to death (not literally that isn't the end of the story just yet, don't worry, I am doing more this task, I'm already on like 10 lines, get in). Mokka is the next death of this story, a loud thud can be heard in the distance, the group runs back to see what has occurred, Mokka's brains are practically splattered into the floor (before some machinery that hasn't been turned off flips her into a large mixing bowl, yes I am struggling here I haven't done creative writing for a long while), she has slipped on some substance that looks familiar. "THAT IS JIZZ!!, WHICH DIRTY BASTARD HAS DONE THAT" Lucas screams (Smithy isn't on this trip is he?). "For **** sake, both Luke and Mokka are dead? I was going to give them my vote tonight and everything, oh well one less team for us to beat eh" Jack claimed (Welcome to the story Jack, this will probably be the only thing you say but at least you made it good). Jake who again is totally unaware of proceedings (not a bloody very good tour guide is he?) is giddy at the thought of the next activity. "COME ON TEAM WE ARE OFF TO.... SEGWAY". The group cheer loudly at the announcement, nothing could have been worse than the cheese factory. "I love a good ride" exclaims Shaun. The group are having a Whale of a time, swerving the Latvian roads, well all except Amy who totally hasn't got to grips with hers and has thrown it at some poor 70 year old lady (I've totally resorted to killing off ongoers now as well just because I can and have done a word count and I was only on 600 words). "LOOK AT ME GO DREW" cackles Shaun, who literally goes, goes crashing over the side and into a river that has totally came into play, Jake totally didn't do a health and safety check on this area, smfh. That is the end of Shaun, who unfortunately can't swim in this story, maybe Jake would have benefited from taking the group for swimming lessons rather than spending the day in a bloody cheese factory. Unbelievable. Drew for some bizarre reason totally feels unphased by the recent events. "He never bleeding put out anyway, not like my Alexis, he leaks like a tap, I think I might go and catch up with him actually, Arsenal are in town tonight" (yeah they are totally playing some random Latvian team, lets go with it, I needed to feature Alexis some-way or another just to make Drew feel awkward.). Drew meets Alexis in town. "Fancy a bite, dear?" "Oh do I hehe" giggled Drew. "Shall we go in here?" "It looks a bit run down doesn't it?" "Ho nonsense, it's just a burger and chips. "I heard they put a special sauce in these kind of burgers, I'm not sure I'm that hungry"... needless to say they went into the cafe regardless, but it was the worst decision they've ever made because they get twatted by a falling painting that was hung up, sorry about that pals, should have stuck with McDonalds. We go back to the group now and Braden is dancing away in one of the local gay bars while Scott is chatting up an on-looker. "Ere mate, fancy a go on this", he did not, Scott was bashed to death by the closeted homosexual who was repressing his true feelings, what a sad moment of the story, Braden could not cope with losing his partner and tried topping himself on the nearest bridge but to no avail. "Eh" Braden thought to himself, he had just suffered a 50 foot drop and didn't even have a sprained ankle, you are dying in Slovenia, Braden. It is not yet time for you to die just yet, we are going Mountain climbing now, Jake has demanded it. Even with half of his trippers dead at this point, the International tour guide committee will see him as a laughing stock at this stage. The group began to climb, higher and higher they got, the wind was getting stronger, Claudia was holding on for dear life (who's bright idea was it to take them in this weather.) Braden slipped at this point and plummeted to his death (2 lines later I've killed him off, tuts, he should have just bloody died in Latvia.). While this is all ongoing a strike of lighting comes crashing down and catches Caitlin square on, she is also brown bread (I'm clearly trying to get this done as quick as possible now). Claudia is in hysterics... "WHY, WHY HER? WHY NOT ME?" a note swiftly drops from the sky. It reads "GOD HATES RUG MUNCHERS". Claudia continues sobbing, the others climb down and make their way back to the coach, but Claudia remains shaken on the mountain (she will probably top herself and succeed or freeze to death, one of the two, she can stay there for now.) God knows where Jonathan and Dylan have got to in this storyline, Dylan has been as noticeable here as he has been all coach trip </3. (sorry for the shade, Dylan is wonderful). Oh I've read the notes, apparently a snow storm in Ukraine wipes you both out, I will assume you just ****ed off there just because Jake was distracted and you can do what you like, good job guys. Back to the coach we go (it's a new one, it's a Bullocks, ooh) it matches this story tbh, I've been writing bollocks since the first bloody line, this ordeal is nearly over, their seats go flying onto the motorway after being blasted by a caravan first. A Liverpudlian accents booms from the other side of the road "Oooh ****ing hell, me and my pal Andy were only after finding some gips we never meant to kill anybody", oh dear it'd have been easier to bloody get the Mega-bus around the country, and somehow safer.

So this is the end, it's been a heartbreaking read (and hopefully funny, it probably isn't and I've just wasted all my time trying to get myself back over after being a lazy **** last task.) Me and Tom manage to live, the publishers see money in a love story (between me and Laverne from the cheese factory, not Tom obviously, I'm not Jimmy Saville, that wouldn't sell nearly enough copies.)

THE END.