Quote:
Originally Posted by Conzors
Hey Guys!
How is everyone?
Its 1am and I can't sleep because, quite frankly, I don't know how i feel.
My friend and I made plans last week to go to last night. I had to ask her on Wednesday what the times were etc and it was then she decided to tell me that on Monday she went to the doctor and has been put on antibiotics and she feels **** so she cant do much. I was annoyed but was like, fine, It's one of those things. I was more annoyed that i had to go and find out for myself rather than her tell me. But anyways.
Then, all over facebook, her dancing and singing - SHE WAS AT A PARTY! Now i didnt want to make any conclusions so i asked her and she said yeah she went out it was a last minute thing her mum asked her to come along blablabla.
Now, i don't disbelieve that she was sick, she probably was. But if you were thinking of going out surely you'd be like, 'okay i feel better now ill see if Conor is still free'. When i said this to her she said she doesnt have to clock in with me when she wants to go out, she cancelled on me so what she does from then on is her choice and not my business.
I just ended the conversation with 'Fine, but I don't do one sided friendships' and then thats that.
I feel like such a 12 year old! But sometimes it needs to take that to get through to someone!
She invited 20 people to her birthday last month and i was the only one that turned up! Ive been so good to her!
So anyways, am i wrong to feel annoyed? upset? angry? or is she completely in the right?
Help me out guys.
xxx
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...awww Conor..
..of course you're not wrong to feel annoyed and let down, I think you know that...she could be completely telling the truth in that if she had the anti-biotics on Monday because she felt quite poorly, they would have kicked in over the week and she would have felt much better to go out this weekend but didn't think she would on Wednesday when you spoke to her but then genuinely thought that she wouldn't feel up to going out... but obviously it's the communication of it all with you as well, you know...having cancelled the plans with you and then feeling ok last night and her mum saying...oh come along with us and it all being on facebook etc has just made you feel rubbish about your friendship with her and the loyalty/consideration that you showed her when you were the one who went to her birthday party and probably at other times as well...the thing to have done would have been for her to tell you last thing also that she felt much better and had the opportunity to go out with her mum and would you like to come along too....but obviously she didn't for whatever reason....
...the 'doesn't have to clock in' with you is I think a defensive thing because she does feel guilt with it all and guilt quite often transfers as a defensive/aggressive type thing when ideally she should have just said...ughhh, I messed up etc and I should have asked you to come along as well or arranged something last minute with you instead because that was our original plan...she's messed up really, people do mess up, friends mess up etc...and it sounds like one of those things that maybe could escalate as well..?...with her really having no defence/excuse other than she has been thoughtless over this....
...it's up to you really because it's yours and her friendship and only you know the person she is...will she carry on being defensive as if she did nothing inconsiderate, is that what her personality is prone to be and atm if she does then that's only going to make you more annoyed and feel 'used'...or maybe she'll contact you today and apologise for it all and for not considering how you would feel with all of this when you've obviously shown her such thought in the past...it really is up to you to decide and know the 'worth' of this friendship, everyone is different and not everyone shows the same consideration to others and to friends...it's not necessarily that they value a friendship less or are 'using' intentionally although I realise that's how it leaves the other person feeling and understandably so....it's just different people really and what they 'give' and how much they consider/their individual personality...so your friendship may mean a lot to her even though she's done this...maybe she's just not good at admitting when she feels in the wrong with something and then get's all defensive about it as well which obviously for you makes it worse....
...anyway, maybe just a 'glitch' or maybe there are other things that you've felt let down with or 'pushed aside' with in the past that you're questioning whether it is a 'one-sided' friendship etc...people are not perfect, friends are not perfect, even the best of friends, we all do thoughtless stuff ..(except you because you sound like always such the thoughtful and lovely person..
..)...so it's up to us really to decide, do we except their 'flaws' and who they are, which might sometimes be to show this lack of thought because there is so much good stuff about them as well or do we think and feel...nope/this is not a friendship I need etc..it's more to do with our own 'boundaries' etc in friendships because people can only 'use' as much as we let them but it really is just different personalities that can't be help ...you did nothing wrong and you have every right to feel upset and annoyed with this..I hope that you both talk and sort it out ....x.....