THE BBC has unveiled this year’s Bake Off hipster, who will meet with a terrible fate.
‘Stu’, who wears a hat indoors, has been confirmed as this season’s sacrificial hipster who will leave the show in an ignominious and possibly gruesome manner.
A BBC spokesman said: “Somehow it’s become part of the The Great British Bake Off format that a hipster has to experience suffering. In fact, the cake stuff is secondary to that.
“Last year’s hipster had a bit of a meltdown and chucked his cake in the bin, but was never properly punished. So there’s a lot of bad hipster karma unaccounted for.
“We can’t tell you what happens to Stu, but a lot of those kitchen implements are very sharp and maybe that hat obscures his peripheral vision when he’s rushing around.
“I can confirm that an ambulance is required and that Mary Berry is unsympathetic.”
Bake Off fan Emma Bradford said: “I’ve never met this man, but his tattoos and facial hair have made him a lightning rod for all my frustrations with the world.
“Perhaps he gets eaten by an oven, I would like that.”
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