My God I've come such a long way as a human. This is genuinely a bit emotional to read
So I'm James. You can call me James if you want I don't give a **** anymore
I'm now 23 years old and I'm preparing to do a working holiday in Australia. After living in London for 5 years and having 2 of the best, most character forming years of my life I'm back home for a while doing bar work for a few months.
Since the last two times I've posted I'm no longer in a relationship and I'm also full homo. I feel bad because of the whole "bi now gay later" stigma bisexuals get but I was genuinely very confused as to what my sexual orientation was. A mixture of my conservative upbringing, where I lived and getting with multiple girls probably confused me a bit more but now I'm happy and proud of who I am. I still need to tell my parents but hopefully the next time I post here I'll look back and think how silly I was for worrying
I'm much more outgoing than I used to be. I used to think I was just extremely shy, but I didn't realise I was suffering from anxiety. I actively avoided therapy and medication because it only made me feel worse. I just tried to conquer it by myself and... I don't know how, but it worked. I think it's having the amazing friendships I had at the time, coming out and working in a very busy stressful environment which kinda built my character. Now I'm not outgoing or shy, I'm in between and I'm totally okay with that. I can approach anyone and make conversation and I have the confidence to do that.
I completed my music degree with a first and won a prize for my music, but I still didn't believe in myself enough for me to put it out to people. This is still a struggle for me, but I'm now performing regularly at open mic nights, which is a huge step for me. I plan to complete an album when I'm in Australia and I'm already working on it. It's all very exciting.
I'm no longer vegetarian, I was a massive stoner smoking basically every day when I lived in London and now I'm home I've only smoked twice over the last couple of months because well I'm with friends and it'd be rude not to
How would I describe myself now? Hard working, caring, creative, friendly, conscientious, affectionate, self-destructive and BEAUTIFUL.
So if you're the age I was when I wrote these horrendously embarrassing bits of biography and you feel awkward and like you don't feel that you have a place in the world, trust me, you'll be okay. I've been there and gone through **** and I've come through a much happier person. You will too.