(this next one needed its own post for... reasons)
=#53
Points: 42
Votes: 3
Sam (<3) (I’m not biased at all, promise) undeniably shined… or, if you look at it the other way, had the most airtime, on the children’s book task. This task was made for him. There were only so many confessionals of Sam talking about how language was the key to existence and how his team mates were illiterate fuckwits that we could take before a task came along with his name written all over it. I mean, he hoped aloud that one task would be to write and perform an entire play, for god’s sake. If you knew anything about Sam up to this point, you might have got the feeling that Sam would possibly perhaps kind of take this task a little too seriously. He took your ‘too seriously’ and laughed in the face of it. He took an entire thesaurus and shoved it up his arse (those gays eh) and spewed out a whole list of words such as “quell”, “moisture” and “rife” – not to mention a reference to Aristotle’s theory of tragedy – in a story book aimed at three-year olds. Compare this to the other team, who wrote a story about a bee whilst not entirely convinced of the ins-and-outs of the creation of honey themselves. Sam put his hands up and took the flack for the failure of the task in the boardroom, in which Lordsugar compared his book to War and Peace (…) and Karren likened the process to “writing the sequel to King Lear” (again, …). It’s a good thing that Natalie had a snottydink that day or else Sam would have been out of the door faster than you could say “rufflebottom shoes”. I’m aware this write-up is far too long for its own good but I’d also like to mention his amazing friendship with Elle (her having to make sense of his philosophical ramblings that mildly resembled a plot whilst sat in the middle of a library wearing a tiara <3 Them actually writing a children’s book together after the show <3) and the fact that he didn’t really have much to do after that episode, except moan that they actually had to clean the football stadium that they’d agreed to clean and get fired the week afterwards for not selling nothing. Farewell, my sweet prince.