[LeatherTrumpet]

KITCHEN

TIFFANY: Angie I like your hair.

ANGIE: Thank you sweetie.

TIFFANY: The black ribbons… Are you okay?

ANGIE: I’m fine honey… And you are looking at me and you are looking deep…

TIFFANY: Yeah.

ANGIE: You got it.

TIFFANY: Yeah.

ANGIE: You knew I wouldn’t be in this condition, if it was just a cold, okay?

TIFFANY: Let’s go over here…

(THEY WALK TO THE SOFA)

ANGIE: Tiff you’ve got to do me a favour.

TIFFANY: Anything.

ANGIE: You can’t say a word.

TIFFANY: Nothing.

ANGIE: David’s dead.

TIFFANY: NO HE’S NOT!!

ANGIE: Shhh! Shhh!

TIFFANY: (SCREAMS)

ANGIE: You can’t! You can’t! You can’t do that!

TIFFANY: (CONTINUES TO SCREAM) Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you serious?!

ANGIE: Shhh! Sit down! Sit down!

TIFFANY: Oh My God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

ANGIE: Sit down! Stop it! Stop it! They’re all going to know, you’ve got to stop!

TIFFANY: Okay, I know you’re just messing with me

ANGIE: I love you, I love you, I love you, come on, come on, come on (HUGS HER)

TIFFANY: Oh no, you lying. I know your joking.

ANGIE: I would never joke about that balding twat Gest

TIFFANY: Oh my God! No, wait, okay… This is a joke, it’s got to be.

ANGIE: Are you crazy? Would I do something like that to you?

TIFFANY: Are you serious? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay… What happened?

ANGIE: It just happened now.

TIFFANY: But how?

ANGIE: Spider Following accident. And you’ve got to please stay calm, please.

TIFFANY: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

ANGIE: This is not what I planned to do – I was not going to say anything but…

TIFFANY: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh god… We… We’ve got to get everybody together apart from that Russian bitch.

ANGIE: I can’t do that.

TIFFANY: No, I’m not going to be able to not.

ANGIE: No I can’t do that honey, I can’t do that right now.

TIFFANY: Oh my Gosh, Oh my gosh… I feel sick… Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute… I need a drink. I need a drink. I need a drink or some delicious chicken

ANGIE: Oh God.. This is not going well. Big Brother I’m in trouble.

(TIFFANY WALKS OUT – SHOUTING TO THE PEOPLE AT THE SMOKING AREA._

[u]TIFFANY/U]: Everybody come, come, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t… I can’t keep it a secret.

ANGIE: Oh great.


SMOKING AREA

TIFFANY: I can’t keep it a secret, she told me not to tell anybody.

CHRISTOPHER: What’s up am I getting a wildcard for 2016?

DANIELLA: What’s happened now you need to go and go now?

DARREN: What’s the matter babe? Tiffany. Tiffany. Come and sit down.

TIFFANY: She told me something and I have to say it. I’m not able to not say anything.

DARREN: Come on, sit down.

DANIELLA: No. Go in the Diary Room, that’s what its there for.

DARREN: Sit down.

TIFFANY: I hope she’s just joking but she says she’s not.

CHRISOPHER: What? What? What?

DARREN: Sit down babe.

TIFFANY: She told me that David Gest that little bald dude is dead

CHRISTOPHER: David?

TIFFANY: Yes!

CHRISTOPHER: David David?

TIFFANY: No David Gest She said he just died and I can’t ****ing hold this in by myself.

(DARREN TURNS AND SPRINTS OFF TO THE HOUSE)


SOFA AREA

ANGIE: (TO BIG BROTHER) Oh you’ve got to help me, I’ve ****ed this up, Oh Jesus.


BEDROOM:

CHRISTOPHER: Where’s David?

DANIELLA: Where’s David?

DARREN: He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, well his hair is fckd up but i guess we all knew that

TIFFANY: Why the **** did she say that?!

CHRISTOPHER: because she hates you?

TIFFANY: She told me that David died!!

GEMMA: Who?

DANIELLA: Who is David Died, is he a celeb?

TIFFANY: Angie!

CHRISTOPHER: She said that David’s just died or that Ken Dodds Dad's dogs dead.

TIFFANY: Why the **** would she do that?!

DARREN: Come and see him, come and see him he hath risen again.

TIFFANY: David she just told me that you were dead!

SCOTTY T: I rolled away the stone

TIFFANY: Why would she do that?

(DARREN PULLS THE COVERS BACK TO SHOW TIFFANY DAVID)

DARREN: He’s here look, its a miracle

TIFFANY: That is so ****ing sick!

(TIFFANY STARTS RUNNING OUT THE BEDROOM – CHRISTOPHER AND DARREN CHASE HER)

CHRISTOPHER: I will write this down so many generations can worship the Gest

DARREN: Tiffany, Tiffany!

TIFFANY: Why the **** would she do that to me?


LOUNGE AREA

(STEPHANIE IS WITH ANGIE – ANGIE IS TRYING TO GO OUT INTO THE GARDEN WHERE DARREN AND CHRISTOPHER HAVE NOW GRABBED TIFFANY – STEPHANIE DOESN’T KNOW WHATS HAPPENING, SHE GRABS ANGIE)

STEPHANIE: No, no, no stay away.


GARDEN

(CHRISTOPHER AND DARREN HAVE HOLD OF TIFFANY – THEY START WALKING HER AWAY)

CHRISTOPHER: Stay with me.

TIFFANY: That **** is not funny.

DARREN: I am laughing my ass off

LOUNGE AREA

(DANIELLA COMES IN – SEES STEPHANIE WITH ANGIE)

DANIELLA: Keep them apart!

ANGIE: What did I do?

DANIELLA: You told her David was dead with cancer.

ANGIE: Yes he is.

DANIELLA: He’s in there, asleep.

ANGIE: Damn him!

DANIELLA: Okay, okay, let me calm it down, let me calm the situation down.

ANGIE: What is the matter with her dont she know I was pulling her plonker?

(ANGIE GOES TO THE DIARY ROOM)


DIARY ROOM


ANGIE: Big Brother it’s a mess! It’s a mess!

BIG BROTHER: No its good for ratings, we could get 3 million


SMOKING AREA

(DARREN AND CHRISTOPHER ARE SITTING TIFFANY DOWN)

TIFFANY: Why the **** would she get in my ****ing head like that and get me in a tail spin? She said David died and he died of cancer and don’t say anything.

(DANIELLA IS COMING OVER)

DANIELLA: Right. Right listen.

TIFFANY: That **** is not funny.

CHRISTOPHER: Simon Cowell has died, does anyone even care?

DANIELLA: Tiff! She means her ex husband David.

DARREN: Poor GPF

TIFFANY: She did not say that! She said David Guest! I said “David Guest?” she said, “Yes.” - well I made that bit up but dont hate me for it

DANIELLA: Well I don’t know cos David Bowie aint dead either.

TIFFANY: She didn’t say that she said David Guest! I said “When did that happen?” she said “Just now but don’t tell anybody.”

DARREN: Tiff, Tiff, Calm down.

DANIELLA: This is ****ed up.


DIARY ROOM

ANGIE: I forgot that she screams and she just started screaming, she thought it was David Guest and then she thought it was a joke and I said “Noone would joke about something like that” and she didn’t know who I was talking about… I don’t know what to do!


SMOKING AREA


TIFFANY: I was like freaking out, I thought he died in the diary room with the lead pipe and Professor Plum

DARREN: Come on… (HUGS HER)

DANIELLA: Anyone go any nosebag?

JONATHAN: Lets get her the angry bitch

CHRISTOPHER: I think I am constipated

DANIELLA: In the diary room, she needs to be taking out of here ****ing now, that’s ****ing sick, speaking ill about other people like that is ****ing sick and I’m not talking to her no more.

DARREN: I have a semi

TIFFANY: Oh my God why would she ****ing do that to me?


DIARY ROOM


ANGIE: She started giving me this look like I was an idiot because I had this look like I… you know… all my eyes looked like I’d been crying. I thought it was because she thought that I was sick and I was so weak and stupid that I was crying because I was sick. It was pride. That’s what it was. My pride made me not handle it correctly. And yet again it developed into another drama.


BATHROOM

(DANIELLA HAS GONE TO FIND JOHN)

DANIELLA: She told Tiff it was David Guest, just died of cancer in the diary room or something.

JOHN: David Guest well its about time tbh?

DANIELLA: Has died.

JOHN: …David Guest has died again, how many fkg times is this now?

DANIELLA: Yeah but he’s not though has he? He’s in his bed. And everyone’s… Tiff has freaked out. She’d told Tiff that David Guest was dead. Tiff’s out there freaking. But he’s not. We’ve gone in to check David, make sure he’s in his bed. Tiff’s gone off it out there. Off.


GARDEN

JONATHAN: I’m not well with crazy people.

TIFFANY: Oh my God, I can’t believe this ****.

JONATHAN: can you say something different now?

SCOTTY T: Its mint

JONATHAN: What’s a misunderstanding? Her husband isn’t dead.

(JOHN WALKS OUT)

JOHN: Listen guys…No… Listen, can I just ask just for everyone to calm down for just one second and then we can gang up on Tiff

DANIELLA: Yes. Tiff listen.

JOHN: Tiffany?

DANIELLA: Just talk to him, just talk to Johnny straight man.

JOHN: It’s not my place to tell you this, it’s really not my place to tell you ANY of this right now.

JONATHAN: I’m freaking out anbd trying to steal all the airtime

JOHN: There’s nothing to freak out about. Angie has had some news. It’s not my place to tell you anything.

DARREN: Yeah well don’t then.

DANIELLA: No don’t you bloddy cowbag

JOHN: She’s misunderstood the name.

DANIELLA: The name. The last name. That’s all.

JOHN: That’s all I’m going to say.

TIFFANY: No, she said that he dropped dead of cancer.

JOHN: Tiffany. Yes that is true. But you’ve got the name wrong.

DANIELLA: Wrong David.

JOHN: It’s the wrong David hun.

DANIELLA: It’s the wrong David, its David Guetta

TIFFANY… She…

(TIFFANY WALKS OFF)