[MB.]

One more cut left before the top ten. But who is it? Why, it's this 'un...

#11



Points: 157

Just missing out on this year’s top ten comes the woman behind what may be 2016’s greatest winners arcs, or at least, 2016’s greatest winners arc that doesn’t include the words Kristie and Bennett. It’s The Alana Spencer, the supreme cake queen herself. Beginning her journey in what might as well have been a permanent Las Vegas-style residency in the final boardroom, all so Lordsugar could pretend that she was “really quiet and timid and shy” in the beginning as if they didn’t just edit her out of the first couple of episodes because Karthik needed some more airtime, Alana slowly became a well-rounded business beast, starting with her first win as a Project Manager in week three and seeing her go from strength-to-strength from that point on. Well, if you ignore the time she fell back into the final boardroom in week seven, that is. Alana’s confidence grew and so did her snark, and at one point it seemed like her sole purpose in the show was to provide fun little moments like criticising the mermaids or the following exchange:

Alana: "Right, so we’ve got fifteen minutes-"
Karren: "Actually, no, your first guests have arrived"
Alana: "Right, so we’ve got no minutes…"

And then, gin came along, as it so often does. Alana had had a pretty good episode by her standards the previous week, she’d still ended up in the losing team, and therefore had a lot to prove before the interviews came around. Thankfully, she decided that she wasn’t going to put up with any BLOODY WAFFLE-OFFS () and dragged her team to victory, despite having to promote a gin named Giin and being on the same team as Courtney Wood. Her excitement at realising she was in the final five was amazing and was really only the beginning for her, as she more or less slayed (sorry, slew) the interviews, leaving Claudine’s wig on the floor, etc etc. At the final two stage, despite her team nearly dissolving into civil war over the name Maureen, her Ridiculously Rich by Alana cakes appealed to Lordsugar’s sweet tooth and, durr, she won, thus redeeming 2016 forever more and-OH GOD SOMEONE ELSE FAMOUS HAS GONE AND DIED FOR FUCK’S SAKE never mind.