Mean Mums - Season 13, Episode 22
“Partial Grammy Queen”
*Beyonce, Shakira and Britney are in Adele’s dressing room at the 59th Grammy Awards*
Beyonce: “Kelly, Michelle, did you get it done?”
Shakira: “Yes miss Beyonce, we did what you asked”.
Britney: “Hang on, who’s Kelly & Michelle? What did your last slaves die of Bey?”
Shakira: “Shut up Britney, you can’t talk about black culture if you’re white. Only us woman of colour like me and Beyonce understand”.
Britney: “But you’re white?”
Shakira: “I’m not white, I’m colombian!”
Britney: “But if you’re from Columbia, then why are you white?”
Beyonce: “Britney! You can’t just ask people why they’re white”
*Lady Gaga walks into the room”
Gags: “Hello Adele. Oh wait, where’s Adele? What’re you doing in her dressing room?”
Shakira: “ Hola mi amores am just cleaning Adele’s dressing room like a good cleaner I’m not associated with these singers whose identity I am not familiar, goodbye!”
*Shakira runs out of the room*
Lady Gaga: “Ugh what is that smell?!?”
Britney: “Oh Beyonce gave me some perfume, it’s Heat by Beyonce”
Beyonce: “Yeah umm Brit gave me some perfume as a pre-Grammy gift it’s, Midnight Fantasy”
Gaga: “Ugh you smell like a Baby Prostitute. Mixed with pure ****e!”
Beyonce: “What do you want Lady Dyke?”
Gaga: “Shut up Beyonce! I know you’re planning to ruin my best friend Adele’s eventual Best Album of The Year win tonight and me and my little monsters will not let you get away with it satan worshipping bitch!”
Beyonce: “You’re so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Stefani Germanotta. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Lyndell who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Stefani was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Lyndell, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Stefani, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack”.
*Gags raises the spirit of her Aunt Joanne who breaks Beyonce’s back in a cat fight*
*Meanwhile Adele arrives at The Grammys*
Adele: “Mum will ya stop fussing over me I’m 20 times Grammy winning Adele Adkins yeah and fame hasn’t changed me”.
Cher: “You watch your mouth young lady! You’re not too young to be grounded and I will send you back to Africa if you step out of line one more time!”
Adele: “Sorry, I’m just nervous because everyone’s going to be there when I win album of the…”
*Ariana Grande walks past and Cher chases after her*
Cher: “OMG DANNY DEVITO I LOVE YOUR WORK!”
*20 minutes later*
Lady Gaga: “And the Grammy for Album of The Year goes to… my friend, Adele!”
*the whole arena cheers*
Adele: “Wow I’m so shocked I’m just a Christian mother of one from Africa I did not expect this. You know I've never been to one of these things before and when I think about how many people wanted this, and how many people cried over it and stuff, I mean, I think everybody looks great tonight. Look at Jennifer Lopez, that dress is amazing and Katy Perry that hair do must have taken hours and you look really pretty. So why is everybody stressing over this thing? I mean it's just 24 carat gold, it's really just (she snaps the Grammy into little tiny pieces). A piece for Shakira, a partial Spring Fling Queen. A piece for Lady Gaga and a piece for Beyonce, she fractured her spine and she still looks like a rockstar. Thank you everyone".
