The time has come for me to rank all 35 seasons! Hopefully the ranking gets better as it goes on, I'm kinda feeling it out at the moment. But here goes!
35. One World
Star of the Show:
Bill. A beautiful robbed soul.
Honourable mention: Christina Cha.
Because they’re WRONG, okay?:
Alicia Rosa and Colton Cumbie, I’ll see y’all in hell.
Highlight: One World doesn’t have one.
Lowlight: Colton’s blatant racism towards Bill at the Episode 4 Tribal Council, and Colton succeeding at getting Bill out at this moment is genuinely one of the most dissatisfying moments in Survivor history.
One World is the only season I failed to complete. After slogging through its first eight episodes, I decided enough was enough, turned my back on this ****show and never return. Honestly, this season righteously places at the bottom of the pack. The first eight episodes comprises a deathly mix of uneventful episodes, some of the most nasty, joyless moments of the entire franchise, such as Alicia and Colton’s bullying of Christina and Bill respectively, and a wholly bland, and in places vile cast.
34. Redemption Island
Star of the Show:
Sarita. She clocked Steph, and she was the only actually entertaining member of Zapatera.
Honourable mentions: Julie and Andrea. Julie did so well at FTC, and I can’t help but howl at Philip and her exchange: To hell with you!
Bye bitch:
Russell Hantz. Needs no explanation. So bloody satisfying him getting his comeuppance.
Highlight: Probably Russell losing at his duel? Also, Ashley and Philip’s exchange at FTC is a howl.
Lowlight: The moments that engendered genuine anger, were Sarita’s vote off, which was the kiss of death for the season, Redemption Island twist restarting in Episode 8, and Natalie refusing to flip on Rob, and Ashley getting voted off for trying to come up with one of the best moves of the season.
This season just sucks the life out of you. I do quite rate the first few episodes, as Fran, Kristina and Philip (before he turns awful) are at the forefront, and Russell gloriously is made a second boot but as the likeable people get voted off, and Rob and his puppets take control, the series grows painful. Honestly, this series is incredibly dull, predictable, and the cast is one of the most one dimensional in the franchise. The one thing that sets it above OW, is that there were some people I could invest in, which OW didn’t have.
33. Thailand
Star of the Show:
Helen Glover. A top-tier Survivor character. Wonderfully complex and rootable. She was also wonderful at FTC.
Honourable mentions: Jan Gentry and Shii Ann. Neither are amazing though by any means. So glad Shii Ann got the chance to return and show what she was really made of.
Two Bs man, get off my TV man:
Robb. SO irritating and unforgivably came for our Shii.
Highlight: I HONESTLY struggle to think of one for Thailand. Probably Helen’s final words: ‘break a leg…literally.’
Lowlight: Fake merge. Shii Ann’s vote-off was painful.
While there’s nothing too offensive going on in Thailand (if we ignore #Grindgate), it’s just an unfortunate example of a classic era season not coming together. The cast of Thailand is a real dud. It’s really hard to find anyone to really root for, and nothing of note seems to happen? Also, Brian and Clay are kinda handed their spots at FTC, which ain’t fun to watch.
32. All-Stars
Star of the show:
Shii Ann. She really came into her own this time, just a shame she was pitted against such an awful majority alliance.
Honourable mentions: Jerri. She was treated so poorly once again.
Ugh:
Alicia. I LOVED her in AO, but she was a nasty cocky bitch this time to anyone in the minority: mainly Shii Ann. Her reaction to Shii Ann’s victory is simply irritating,
Highlight: Shii Ann’s immunity win.
Lowlight: Let’s be real, AS is FULL of low-points. From Sue’s quit, to Jerry’s vote off, to that nasty dirty FTC.
This season just didn’t work. Similarly to the Redemption Island and Thailand seasons below, the best ones go first, and the winner/runner-up sail to the end. It’s also sprinkled with nasty moments which just aren’t fun, and outside that it’s simply dull.
31. South Pacific
Star of the Show:
Edna. Honestly, Edna’s not even that great. She’s the best here though.
Honourable mentions: Stacey.
Who disgusts me?:
Keith. A combination of dull and nasty just doesn’t work.
Highlight: Stacey’s rant against Coach at RI. Boop! Or Cochran’s flip.
Lowlight: It’s probably the religion stuff? Like Coach praying the idol is found when he has it in his pocket is kind of grimy and odd in equal measures.
To be honest, it will be very hard for a season that features Redemption Island to not be near the bottom. It works as poorly in South Pacific as it did in Redemption Island. Ozzy sending himself to RI and his awful roleplay is fun, but generally, I don’t find the castaways here to be that likeable. Maybe I’m being a little harsh ranking SoPa so low. It certainly has more going for it than the preceding four seasons I’ve mentioned, but the combination of the lack of players to root for, as well as the Pagonging, and the Redemption Island twist, it all just feels a bit lacklustre in the end.