Personally, I think when it comes to multiculturalism and the way our societies are constructed now, we have to all realize now, we can't all have our cake and eat it too. For example, with regards to this conversation, some folk will find our use of language or cultural values oppressive, and tolerating that is the new civility... this is just something we have to individually accept and tolerate, that some other people will see things a different way. It doesn't mean we have to lapse on our own belief systems and in our own judgements, but I think this is the new "us" in that sense, that we will have to be civil towards ideologies that don't match our own.
There is no shared identity, in the sense that we can all agree on each others positions on things, etc anymore, and get along like a 40's TV episode... as I see it, humility and civility go hand in hand... I'm OK to concede some areas, even OK to concede my "transphobia" if some folk desire to use a stricter definition... but I also don't think a transgender person should have to go through surgery and physical alter their being in order to fully integrate... I'm OK with sharing bathrooms with those folk as long as they attempt to pass, because our dress and our behaviors, those are markers... we know, ok we can expect this person is female. This is a universal code in a sense... but even making these concessions, I've already accepted that there will be folk who will be like "No, you want me to conform to X standard, that is way too far for me"... and that's what it is. Some people feel really strongly on these issues.. and you know, I have strong feelings too in some areas, and I'm not in the mindset to try to force this upon other folk. What I think and feel in my own time is my own business.. so I stand aside and let them people have their way... but to a certain point.
There are some truly hard edges in our society and we will have to come to a simplistic understanding of what that means for civility in the near future... in either case, I think our culture is about to change, our sense of co-joining national identity, even cultural identity (Western, Americanism, British, etc)... these are all about to be turned on their head. And that's OK if we all come out with a better understanding of where the other stands on their individual decisions in these terms... in the end, humility will have to be added to the recipe if we expect that there will be some kind of conjoined idea of "Us" ... that's where I feel a breaking point has occurred... anyway, I'm perfectly fine for people to yell at me cis cum queen if it helps the dust to settle just a little for them, I'll take it on the chin
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