[Jack_]

The thing for me is, and the reason why I now make a conscious decision to not partake in these debates - is because they're conducted in a really hostile and exclusionary environment. I personally think it's less about your posts Vicky, and more those who agree with you. We went through a stage years ago where people who dared to have some left-field opinions were being belittled and patronised, and I stopped enjoying and contributing to these kind of threads. Then things got better for a time, and we were able to have a more civilised and productive discourse. But now if anything it's WORSE than it was years ago.

Look, I totally, TOTALLY understand why some women feel the way they do about these issues. And I also totally acknowledge and recognise my privilege as a man (and have explicitly done so before when I've decided to partake, or in similar threads - like the feminism one). This is a really emotive, contemporary issue for people on both sides of the argument - it strikes at the core of people's very being and their legitimacy - and that's why I wasn't surprised when the discussion a few days ago ended up heading in a very sour and reactionary direction.

The problem is though, is that if all people are interested in is either a) opinions that they agree with, and/or b) opinions from females...this isn't a debate at all. And if it's not a debate, what is the point of these discussions existing? Because all they read like these days is a bunch of people clapping and back-patting each other, and trying to exclude anyone else they think isn't fit to comment. It's like...you may as well just set up a private group so you can all agree with each other to your heart's content.

This is my favourite topic in the world, I spent a year of my life writing and researching about it. I LOVE talking about this, and have done so with female friends. But that's partly why I don't feel comfortable contributing anymore, because I too have a (completely different, granted) personal stake in it. And when you're too emotionally involved, it is very easy to feel personally slighted by the hostile environment these discussions are now conducted in. I just wish we could have these debates in a more fleshed out, academic, civilised manner...with less of the sniping, the baiting, the sarcasm, the exclusion, the inflammatory language, and the like.