[SiMoN!]

Nothing wakes Richard. Thunderstorms? Pah. Loud music? Easy. The sound of a forest being felled at close range? He's dreaming of sawdust.

So it's no wonder that when Big Brother flooded the bedroom with the sound of high-decibel chainsaws this afternoon, Richard gave a little shrug, and ground himself into the mattress.

"Hmm, it's nice. It puts me to sleep," he yawned, getting cosy. "Louder! It brings back good memories."

Snuggling deeper into his duvet as the chainsaws revved again, it looked like nothing would raise the Canadian.

"Get up," said Spiral entering the room.

"I like this," said Richard. "Does it irritate you? It reminds me of lumberjacks. Big men with big chainsaws, RARARR.

"This must be my birthday treat," he said turning over. Then it all went quiet. "Oh. Why have they stopped? I liked it?"

Well, we can't have you working all night and sleeping all day.

[Hippy]

Hehe he does make me laugh.

[Smeggypants]

RICHAR
I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing]
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.

HOUSEMATES:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.


RICHAR
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

HOUSEMATES:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

RICHAR
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

HOUSEMATES:
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

RICHAR
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

HOUSEMATES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!


[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...

HOUSEMATES:
[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.