[Kate!]

Didn't know what to call the thread really, hopefully that reflects what I mean?

Are you the 'leader' in your friendships (I am talking about all friendships, social friends, work friends, friends on here/other sites)?

What I mean is, are you the one that initiates conversations, suggests things to do, is it usually you who calls/texts/other first the majority of the time, or are you more a 'let it all happen, let them come to me' type.

Second part of the question, if you are the initiator most/all of the time, are you fine with that or do you sometimes think if you didn't bother, would your friends?

I analyze stuff like this too much sometimes, I have a thing that if I am always the one to have to actively start a conversation, make a phone call or text or message (here and facebook) I feel like I'm more invested in the friendship than the other person, even though they don't do anything to make me feel that way at all. I like it to be 50-50 or at least 60-40 lol, so I feel wanted (needy bitch lol)

You?

[Z]

I'm a bit of an oddity; depends entirely on the other personalities in any situation. If I'm with quiet, introverted people, I will take the lead and be the one who organises things and gets things done - but if I'm with loud, extrovert types I will always shrink into the background and be quiet and just observe the whole time. The latter is usually my default response in any group situation, even with my closest friends, unless certain people aren't there. So I suppose I'm a bit of a sidekick in the story of life, who steps up to the challenge when needed . Having said that, I'm not afraid of being myself if I want to impress people in a new situation.

I guess I'm about 50/50 in terms of whether or not I initiate conversations. With some people I feel like I put in all the work and that annoys me to no end though. I definitely feel like my supposed best friend wouldn't care if I disappeared off the face of the earth and I have made a concerted effort to stop speaking to him unless I see him in person because he's never bothers keeping in touch.

[Kate!]

Anybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??

[Z]

My complex about being ignored! My complex about being ignored!

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by *Kate*

Anybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??

ha, posted this just as Zee replied.....

Originally Posted by Zee

My complex about being ignored! My complex about being ignored!

awwww

[Kizzy]

I'm a terrible friend, I don't keep in touch as regularly as I should at all. Even now with facebook, text, email I think 'oh I must speak to so and so' .... but I don't

[Cherie]

I am so bad at keeping friends, I have lost so many over the years from being lazy and not keeping in touch..oh well.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

I'm a terrible friend, I don't keep in touch as regularly as I should at all. Even now with facebook, text, email I think 'oh I must speak to so and so' .... but I don't

thats OK Kizzy
Life is Tough
you need a Holiday

[arista]

"(needy bitch lol) "


Sexy Kate

[Natalie.]

Let people come to me because I feel if I message them or chat to them first I'm annoying them and they don't want to talk to me. I'm not a good friend

[Z]

What are you like with your friends Arista?

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by arista

"(needy bitch lol) "


Sexy Kate

[arista]

Originally Posted by Zee

What are you like with your friends Arista?

Happy and Pro

Never trust anyone who is a bad friend. If they don't have loyalty to the people closest to them, then they will ****** anyone over at any opportunity.

[Tozzie]

I am usually the one to keep a friendship going because I don't sit about waiting for someone to phone/text/email me. If I am missing a friend I will contact them and let them know. I think if you pick up the phone or text, you will usually find that person is delighted to hear from you. A lot of people are very lazy at working on friendships and my guess it is such people who wonder why they feel they don't have many friends. Saying all that friendship should be a two way thing, I have over the years realised when someone isn't interested in the friendship and I've let it go. I have lots of friends in different circles but I have 2 friends in particular who I would call my very best friends

[joeysteele]

I don't think I have a friendship style,once I term someone a friend in the full sense of the word,I become very loyal to them and will support them through good times and bad too.
I never presume I am above any of them or less equal than any of them,I am always open to compromise as to what we do, where we go, what we discuss and so on.

I have found, I can be,as with Uni, not able to see them or keep in touch with them for long periods of time, in some cases a year or more but once we are together, it is as if we only saw each other the day before, everything is so comfortable between us.

I am fortunate to have such friends and I would say we are all tolerant friends as to each other too.
I have other friends who are not liked by some of my really close friends and so I keep them apart in the main,understanding that just because someone is my friend it doesn't mean they have to be friends with all the other people I call friends too.

Respecting each others individuality,lifestyle and principles are for me what makes for good friendships,no domination,judgements or condemnations either.

[smudgie]

Lazy but loyal, I think that is how I would describe my part of my friendships.

My best 3 friends I have had for over thirty years. They all know I am here as a good listener, will give advice only when asked for and will tell them the truth.

I love my friends, more like sisters now, but I really really value my own space
and they all know where to draw the line.
Perfect.

[AnnieK]

Until I had my son...I was always the one who instigated everything and it used to drive me mad why my friends couldn't be bothered to make the first move - then when I had my son I realised just why so many of my friends were crap at keeping in touch...when I finally put my toddler to bed, clean up and prepare for the next day....the last thing I want to do is start phoning people up so now I am the crap one and I don't even care!!.

My best friend and I are now both useless and go a few days without speaking but then on loads of occassions I have picked my phone up to ring her and it rings and its her ringing me.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by arista

"(needy bitch lol) "


Sexy Kate

[Lee.]

We all are quite good at taking turns arranging things... If one of us have an idea, a group message is sent out so we can all discuss out availability etc... I must admit I'm probably the one who thinks up things to to the least out of everybody.

Having said that, I'm quite a **** friend at the moment, as I've decided I don't really like any of my friends

[Kizzy]

I don't trust people who try to be friends with everybody, they're the ones to watch those who just network and there's no real connection.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

I don't trust people who try to be friends with everybody, they're the ones to watch those who just network and there's no real connection.

Me too, it's so vacuous and you question how much you really mean to these sorts of people. To them, you're just a face in a photograph in an album from a time when they were in one place; but now they are in another, and in a week's time, it'll be another place entirely. That's a hard lesson to learn, as they're often really interesting people who are usually really nice too, but they're just not interested in sticking around.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

I don't trust people who try to be friends with everybody, they're the ones to watch those who just network and there's no real connection.

Me too, it's so vacuous and you question how much you really mean to these sorts of people. To them, you're just a face in a photograph in an album from a time when they were in one place; but now they are in another, and in a week's time, it'll be another place entirely. That's a hard lesson to learn, as they're often really interesting people who are usually really nice too, but they're just not interested in sticking around.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by anniek76

Until I had my son...I was always the one who instigated everything and it used to drive me mad why my friends couldn't be bothered to make the first move - then when I had my son I realised just why so many of my friends were crap at keeping in touch...when I finally put my toddler to bed, clean up and prepare for the next day....the last thing I want to do is start phoning people up so now I am the crap one and I don't even care!!.

My best friend and I are now both useless and go a few days without speaking but then on loads of occassions I have picked my phone up to ring her and it rings and its her ringing me.

You hit the nail on the head, when you have children and also working, it is nigh on impossible to keep all the plates in the air so if you want to retain sanity, friends and going out have to take a back seat.

Originally Posted by Zee

Me too, it's so vacuous and you question how much you really mean to these sorts of people. To them, you're just a face in a photograph in an album from a time when they were in one place; but now they are in another, and in a week's time, it'll be another place entirely. That's a hard lesson to learn, as they're often really interesting people who are usually really nice too, but they're just not interested in sticking around.

Do people actually network for friendships though. I mean, I've seen people pretend to be friends with people and then turn on them at the first chance they get, but I've never really seen it in proper friendships.

Maybe I'm just lucky? But friendships requires effort from both parties, and the people that are networking, don't seem to want to share that commitment. Don't get me wrong, my work involves constant networking, but I'd never consider those people friends.